The Year in Review

Only 5 days left people. Then 2005 is gone, written into the history books for good (or bad). So I thought I'd kind of take stock of the year and see where I'm @.

The big events this year for me:

• My first full year of living with, and accepting, the BiPolar Diagnosis
• My first full year of a mood-stabiliser (Lamictal) as oppossed to just anti-depressants and anti-psychotics
• The 4th most serious bout of mania in my life
• The first year I've worked in a business that is actually right for me, and semi-enjoyable

If one word had to capture 2005 for me it would be ACCEPTANCE. Accepting my diagnosis was just the start. A whole lotta other things were included in the acceptance package. Like I'm never going to be normal. Like it's OK if I'm never normal. Like I'll probably never be able to hold down a regular 8 to 5 job. Like the bouts of depression will never totally dissapear, no matter what mindset, philosophy or religion I get myself into. Like I'm not getting younger, but nor would I want be. That death is inevitable, and I wouldn't want it not to be. Like I'd actually rather be like I am than any other way that I might be.

It has been a turning point this year. Way back when I was 20 somebody told me about Norman Vincent Peale's bestseller "I'm OK, you're OK". Yeah, yeah I thought - heard it all before - the power of confidence and positive thinking. Still haven't read the book (and don't intend to) but it was only a few days ago that I realised was the first time I truly understood the "I'm OK" principle. Unconditionally, I mean. "I'm OK without any conditions".

The acid test of true love they say is UNCONDITIONAL love. They also say that you gotta love yourself before you love anybody else. Well the two are joined at the hip.

You gotta love yourself unconditionally before you van love anybody else unconditionally, and without that, there is actually no true love taking place.

There is no cure for birth
There is no cure for death
What remains is to make the most of the interval in between.

And now you may bow to your wisened sage...