Overidentification Part 1

Joel's comment yesterday: "I am more than BiPolar" is insightful. And it brings me to a topic I've wanted to talk about for a long time: Overidentification with your diagnosis. This is a big topic and will need to be spilt it up into parts.

So what is overidentification? It is becoming overly obssessed with your diagnosis and viewing your whole world and existence with your BiPolar status always in mind. And, as Joel points out, this can be very restrictive and curtail your growth as a living individual. Me, I guess I'm presently in an Overidentication phase. "BiPolar Daily" and "BiPolar Guy" are glaring tell-tale signs of this. But at this stage I'm not too worried. A good friend of mine who was diagnosed with BiPolar 5 years ago warned me that this would happen. "In the first 18 months after you've been officialy diagnosed [and more importantly fully accepting the diagnosis] it is normal to go through a phase of overidentification." BP Guy was only diagnosed in Dec 2004.

Another reason I'm not too worried is that I have experienced first hand the bitter confusion of UNDERidentification. Although my first hospitalisation was when I was 18, the first psychiatrist whose care I was under didn't believe in sharing diagnoses with patients. His theory was that "labels" were counterproductive and would not be in the patient's interests. So his whole counselling style was very old-school - "take these pills, just trust me". Which I did. For many. many years (no, you won't be able to work out my exact age ;) I always knew something was kinda wrong but exactly what it was eluded me. And this causes all kinds of problems. Like measuring yourself against non-BiPolars and becoming frustrated. Like wondering if your depression is just a case of total laziness, and you really ought to "Buck Up". (this one leads to huge guilt which just deepens the depression.) Like always seeking an external reason for your unhappiness. Is it my relationship? my career? where I live??

So when I moved to Cape Town and the new psychiatrist diagnosed me as "Categorically and undeniably suffering from BiPolar Type One Disorder", my life certainly changed for the better. First thing I did was dive into as much literature as I could get on BiPolar. Knowledge is Power. Self-Knowledge is a Super-Power. Suddenly the guilt evapourated. I was no longer so hard on myself. I linked up with BiPolar support groups. Concentrated on developing techniques to manage the thing, rather than cure it.

My relationship with Mrs M improved too. She was also beginning to wonder if it was her that was causing my on-going unhappiness. She read the books, adjusted her expectations, and is a pillar of support. I set up my new business which would allow for flexi-time and wouldn't fall apart after 5 "Got-a-Gun?" days in a row.

So yeah, it was a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

But don't fool yourself, overidentifying has it's own set of dangers. And I'll be sharing this ominous news 2morrow.