Sunday, April 16, 2006

What We Don't Tell Our Blogs

If you've been watching you may have noticed that I don't share everything with BiPolar Daily. Who does share everything with their blog? Who can?

If you're anything like me you have a million different thoughts everyday. There's no way you can include them all. If you did, you'd be sitting writing your life instead of living it. But besides the time factor, there is always a part of ourselves we don't show anybody else. For these purposes I have another Journal. I've been keeping these private journals since 1998 (when there were probably 1000 blogs on the whole World Wide Wonderland) so journaling isn't new to me.

Unlike this blog, that journal is PRIVATE. 100%. I've left instructions in my will that when I die, they get burnt. I'm not joking. For if they were ever to get into the public domain, I'd be divorced, disowned by my entire family, sued for defamation and slander by thousands, imprisoned, executed by public stoning and given a 1000 sessions of ECT. Cool huh?

But let me tell you - it is damn therapeutic. No holds barred. A place where you can so any fkcn thing you ever wanted to say. It is my sacred space, my life companion, my guide, my guru, my therapist, my coach, my mentor... Were I to be stranded on some cliched desert island (not with Jeff Probst thanks), I'd surely take my journal as my one item of choice.

So that's where a lot of the shit that you don't see in BP Daily goes. But don't get me wrong - there is a place for both public blogs and private journals. Blogs have a different style of therapy. As I am the only one who ever reads my journal, it's often just like making little notes to myself. And I don't always need to explain things or make them easily comprehensible. With a blog it's way different. Even if you don't have readers, there is always a chance someone's gonna read it. So you got to sit down, say things carefully and properly in the way that an unknown reader can understand. And this sitting down and thinking things thru, is very valuable. You often solve things for yourself that, by scribbling notes in your private journal, you woulda missed.

Also: Having accumulated 8 years worth of journals now (pic above) I've discovered that one of the most helpful features of journaling/blogging comes when you're a bit lost in your life and look back at your old entries. Where were you then? Is it really that bad where you are right now? Why did you make that goddam decision in the first place? etc. etc. Problem is: when you go back to your scribbles and notes from 7 years ago, you sometimes got to work out what you were actually saying. But with a blog - YOU are now the unknown reader that you wrote so carefully for 7 years previously.

Then too, there is the value of public confession. Coming out into the light with some of your issues is a powerful cleansing process. And supportive and insightful comments are a huge bonus.

Thinking seriously about starting Tai Chi again. I was good at it, and loved it, but had to stop due to a schedule clash with my philosophy lectures.

Not sure right now what today's gonna bring. Feeling pretty shitty as I speak, but who knows, maybe the Mood Goddesses will smile upon me later on.


  1. Interesting post. I started my blog only because I wanted to respond to another blog and I couldnt unless I had an account. I have never thought of it as therapy. But it is true that when I cant sleep and stuff just wont stop in my head, I get up and blog it and sometimes it actually helps a little. I really dont know even know why I continue. I just do. Maybe someday I will think about it :P

  2. Yes, you've put your finger on a lot of distinctions I've been muddling over too.

    I have found paper trail fascinating. It is there to contradict (in my own handwriting) the narrative line in my head that I have drifted into and convinced myself is cohesive and real, or new and unique, or always has been. Blog on the other hand is entirely legible and googlable. :-)

  3. I don't have any private journal only two public blogs, the other is in my native language. I've tried to be as open as I can in my blog trusting that the anonymity will protect me. But, of course, there are some some things and thoughts that I can't share publicly. I guess, we are subconsciously afraid of that we would be rejected if they knew the real truth of us.

  4. i just saw totsie. gr8 movie.

  5. I use my blog as therapy and love it. It has really helped me in just a few months.

  6. Thanks to you, Today, I started a written personal journal. Methinks it will be theraputic.
    BTW have you ever read the section in WIKIPEDIA on Bi-Polar? Very interesting reading for anyone.

  7. Missing your musings


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