Monday, June 12, 2006

Disobedient Mind

Been really struggling with my meditation the last few weeks. Before that I had built my daily session up to a quality 25 minutes a day. But since that run of "In-the-Pinks" in May, I just can't quieten my mind. It is always busy, shooting off at different tangents. At the moment I'm probably spending about 80% of the meditation sessions "somewhere else". The mind just wanders and wanders. I keep roping it in, trying to let it settle on feeling my breathing, or letting go the tension in my temples, but it bolts in under a minute.

It's been so bad that I've cut the meditation sessions back down to 15 minutes thinking this would help. I mean it was seeming pretty pointless just sitting there every day for 25 minutes daydreaming. Every time when I sit crosslegged and close my eyes I say to myself: "this time it will bew different. This time I'll be 100% disciplined. This time I'll focus." But still, the mind has a mind of it's own.

I'm not sure where to go from here. A part of me thinks that maybe I should take a total break from meditation for a week. Start completely afresh. Another voice says, "no, this is a test, you've gotta push through this barrier". I guess what I really need is some collaborative guidance, like going off to a meditation retreat for 4 or 5 days. But I don't have the time or cash right now, especially with the sale of my business still under negotiation. Although I must admit that every day that slips by says to me the sale is less likely to happen.

That approach to buy my business 2 weeks ago (or is it 3?) was the worst dang thing that happened to me. It took my eye off the target. Sent my focus off on wild scenario-planning sessions.

Tomorrow I must really get back on top of things. Bracket all the other shit out. Just concentrate on the task at hand.

Seems like my present life state is reflecting my present meditation state. Maybe if I can get one right the other will follow?

3 comments:

  1. Wish I had some good advice- I dont know how you ever did it to start with. My mind NEVER holds still. I have tried and there is no way I can stop it from going where it wants to go. No doubt yours will settle down again tho.

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  2. I wish I even had the discipline to take the time to try to meditate. I've heard from some that do it on a regular basis that even if you can't get to the point of zoning everything out, if you can't unclutter you mind, that the 15 or 25 minutes is still valuable for taking the time and for TRYING to focus. You're probably clearing more than you think. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know our minds go in a whrilwind sometimes. But you got yourself to sit and got yourself to think of meditation at all. That's a victory.

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  3. It sounds like you are doing absolutely the right thing during your meditation sessions. It's completely normal for your mind to wander off during meditation, according to my readings & Chinese Chi Gung Master. In fact, I used to cheat: I'd start lying down & fall asleep during meditation. I'd just continue the good vibes in my dreams, or maybe I was just dreaming. Anyway I got a nap and had a little meditation/relaxation time too.

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