Thursday, January 11, 2007

Merry Go Round

Fellow BiPolar blogger Amanda had something interesting on her profile page. Under INTERESTS she has:

Few. Obsessively rotated.

Man, can I relate! My interests come and go like the wind. They never vanish altogether, just disappear into the yonder for a month or 2 and then, when that part of the merry-go-round swings round again, they pop back into my life. Until they disappear again...

Anyone watching this blog for a couple months will have seen this trait in me. Take exercise: Beginning of last year - weight training was the way to go. YeeeHaaa! Two months later - nah, walking on the beach every day. Two months ago that graduated to jogging. Then, with sore neck, the beach walking came back. Where I am now. Each time I totally rationalize why each particular latest exercise is the best, and totally throw myself into it . For a month or 2.

Only 2 weeks ago, I listed Tai Chi as one of my goals for 2007. I've changed my mind already. Not enough time, I've decided, and I'm loving the beach walking anyways. But Tai Chi will come back. The Tai Chi urge hits about once a year. Its just a matter of time.

Music tastes are the same. Classical for 4 months. Then 70s heavy metal. Then Trip Hop -> Reggae -> Classical -> Trip Hop. Round and round and round. There doesn't exist one genre of music (besides Country perhaps) that I haven't been into one time or another. But like Amanda says - obsessively rotated. The only difference I probably have with Amanda, is that I have many interest, not few. But trust me, that just makes for faster rotating.

Its gotta be a BiPolar thing. Moods, I reckon. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I have totally different tastes when I'm going through a depressive life phase, than when I'm bouncing around full of energy.

This coming and going can get quite disconcerting. It leaves you with a profound sense of impermanence. No matter how deep you've thrown yourself into something, you know its not gonna last. In a couple months a new project will have grabbed your fancy.

Permanent impermanance.


  1. oh god yeah, the joy and peril of impermanence...
    that's why i like(d) school, and external deadlines, those rigid structures have kept me on course all my life. about 3 or 4 years ago tho i found out i could register for a course, actually NOT do my homework and the friggin sky did'n fall in, that was the start of the true decline...*laughs* i no longer gave a shit

  2. Yes, lots of project started and abandoned... some picked up for a time and others forgotten...

  3. Well... *cough*, glad it's not just me. :)

    I can and have spread myself pretty thin too. I try to avoid it now. I manage to end up manic enough just by sticking to the favorites. (Sure-fire sign...going from 5 different browser windows on - lets say - stocks, to 50.)

  4. I wonder if any of the women involved in my succession of one, two and (big round of applause!) three year relationships has noticed a similar lag cycle in my attentiveness to their beauty and charm.

  5. @kodeureum

    I would break up with the same guy every 2 years or so, does that count?

    (Maybe I'm improving a little. We haven't separated in almost 4 years now - but did make a huge [and hopefully last] move around the 2 year mark...)


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