Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What's the point??

I haven't been telling you, but I am currently in the throws of a big slump. My work has come to a standstill, daily meditation is teetering, as is the daily beach walk, and horizontal spent time is rapidly increasing.

Nothing really new, but what's worrying this time is that it seems to be a deeper reaching down. As I've said before, downs come in all shapes and sizes and since Lamictal they've been a lot less intense. Not this one. At this moment there is this deep aching emptiness. A kind of "existential" down, the likes of which i haven't had since my post-modernism studies in 2003.

It kind of started over the weekend. I had been taking media-guzzling to new limits: 6 hours of podcasts a day, 3 hours devouring RSS feeds. I was pretty happy doing this until, for some stupid reason, I sat back and asked "What's the point?".

I mean really, what is the point of jamming my head full of facts and trends and observations and news? What for? Where's it all going?

Answerless, I then started thinking about what else I should rather be doing. A hike in the mountains? A movie in town? But those too elicited the "what's the point?" enquiry, and those too were without answer.

So I carried on with this whole line of thinking until all that I was eventually left with was:
"What's the point?" PERIOD.




  1. that's the station that I'm in for a long time now , "what's the point?" station,waiting to see if I can get any bus .
    the comprehensive question is "what's the point of humman beings'life and this whole world?"
    no matter that you believe in afterdeath life like bi-polarbear or you are a nihilist.
    but during this answerless period,I've been told that everything has a point and reason to be done wether you know it or not.
    amanda thanks for answering my question , you were the only one :)

  2. I can't keep up with healthy routines very long. "What's-the-point" keeps butting in.

  3. Yeah dude, have been there before!
    Thinking about this shit too much can screw with your head. I've just kinda tried to make peace with the fact that I'll never know all the answers. Try to focus less on the point and more on the journey.

  4. living life the best we can in spite of this fucked up illness?

  5. It is obviously a completely rhetorical question. Ask it again the day you say, "thank God I am alive"


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