DOWN
D
O
W
N
Been going thru a rough patch. Can't work, exhausted, bleak. Been sleeping 12 hours a day this week.
You would think it is strange because this past week Spring has really sprung in the Southern Hemisphere. Glorious, hot, blue sky days. Most bipolars get their worst depression in mid-winter (see polls towards the bottom of this page).
But for me personally this has always been my worst time of the year, usually lasting up to mid November when Summer is well under way. Weird.
But I can see why it is so. In winter its easy to bunker down in your little world hidden away from the harsh non-bipolar world. But Spring brings out a kind of spotlight and shines brightly onto your pathetic isolated hermit's life. Whilst others are out surfing, partying and playing golf, your lethargic bedroom-bound days seem all the more pitiful. Its like you come up out of your winter hole blinking your eyes in the interrogating spotlights.
Don't get me wrong, by the time December comes I'm lapping up the sun and find that spending time outdoors is an automatic mood boost. It's just getting there that's the problem...
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WBF - yeah, sorry about the non-non-fiction post. Bloggers been giving me some shit lately (like in the formatting of this very post!) and that other post was still in draft and wasn't meant to appear. It probably screwed up my RSS feeds too (please let me know if it did). I'll try repost it in the coming week.
ZZtopZ - lucid dream
K - I have a love/hate relationship with Jim Carrey. Apart from The Truman Show, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and Number 23, the rest of his work irritates the shit out of me.
James - Here's another buddhist version:
"I meditate, therefore I am not"
and an existentialist version:
"I am, therefore I think."
Have you considered a pre-emptive strike on this inevitable down? Play your golf, do your surfing, enjoy the lonnnnnnng walks. I feel the darkness starting to creep into my life now. Eating and sleeping more. October was peak mania season for me on the back of a depressive period, now it is February. Find the balance, force the balance. Fight for your right to PARTY!
ReplyDeletework your way through finding out, excluding the disease, what is causing your present condition, and ways to fix it... i bet there are lots of ways/"things" you can... forget is not the right word, but its all that comes to mind right now... all that stuff... like an escape!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you totally on Jim Carrey. There are a few exceptions lately in his movies, he seems to be starting to play some more serious stuff and that I dont mind. But his old brand of comedy I found repulsive. I refused to watch it. I cant seem to find anything useful to say about your downtime, struggling with my own, except that I empathize.
ReplyDeleteThe one Jim Carrey movie I really should see, Eternal Sunshine, is just about the only one I haven't managed to watch yet. I even really dig that chick with the accent from Titanic and loved her as the young Iris Murdoch. But number 23? That one hit far too close to home for someone who had their second hospital-worthy manic episode while art directing music videos; I could see myself writing all those things on the walls for some second-rate pop song promotion. I much prefer the films where I get to laugh...and his three sons from Me, Myself and Irene are a great take on all those old Fred Macmurray vehicles. I guess it's a cultivated taste, like growing roses. :-)
ReplyDeleteI get this in the early spring too...for the same reasons. Eventually the light does its magic and up and away I go. Now I'm back to 8 hours of sleep again, but I'd rather do 10.
ReplyDelete