Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Closure

Wow, I haven't been here for a looong time.

Lots of old memories. Like a whole chapter of my life.

This blog was good while it lasted. I started it about 6 months after my "official" diagnosis of BiPolar Type 1, when I was in that inevitable phase of "over-identification". It is a phase I think that a lot of BiPolars go through after being diagnosed the first time. Knowing who the heck you actually are for the first time in years is a Big Deal. A lot of mysteries suddenly fall into place. And you're hungry for more information about this condition; hungry to meet fellow BiPolars out there; to affirm yourself; to find out that you're not alone.

It is all good.

But I think I've moved into the next phase now. Whether this next phase is inevitable, I don't know. I suppose it's just a case of whatever works for you. I stumbled into this next Chapter by default earlier this year when I took a little "sulk" break from blogging. And then, after a week or 2 I noticed something. I started forgetting about my BiPolar. For the first time in over 2 years.

Whilst I was blogging, just about every day I would stare "BiPolar Daily"* in the face and think what I could write about my BiPolar life... ...for my (largely) BiPolar audience. And it was good: I made a lot of progress towards reconciling myself to my condition - philosophically and day-to-day. And I met some really great people here - some of whom I will be friends wiith for the rest of my life. People that stood by me, encouraged me when I was down, and provided a much needed reality check when I was in YeeeHaaa territory. People that questioned things, introduced new angles to issues and shared their own experiences.

Like I said - all good.

But when I took that intitial break from blogging and discovered how to FORGET about my BiPolar for the first time since my diagnosis, good things started happening too. It was like somebody lifted the lid off a box I had been sitting in. Things started flowing more, I became less self-obsessed and I re-connected with the PRE-diagnosis BPG. The one that was ignorant that he had a chemical disorder.

OK, so the PRE-BPG was one friggin IGNORANT dude; he knew a heck of a lot less about his minds internal workings and was, in many respects, always fighting a losing battle. But he had hope. There were no limits, no categories (DSM IV or otherwise), the future somehow seemed more pliable.

I guess right now I'm somewhere between the PRE-BPG and the Blog BPG. Somewhat ignorant, somewhat "in the know". I'm still on meds although I've managed to ween myself off of quite a few. I still have fckn atrociously down days, and some "I-am-A-God" days. I'm still living in this complex, but exciting Southernmost tip of Africa. And I'm gonna stay here. If the ship goes down - the ship goes down - at least we'll be with family & friends.

So what I am saying is that it's highly unlikely that this blog will ever continue. It prolly wont do you any harm to just keep the RSS feed dormant in your Reader, and maybe one day , who knows, Keegan W or yours truly will crawl out of the woodwork to start another chapter ...another day.

In the meanwhile - stay well peoples, hang in there, keep da flag flying. If anyone really wants to get a hold of me badly enough - you'll find my email address.

And REMEMBER...
sometimes...
to FORGET.

-BPG


* A bit of history - the blog started out titled as "BiPolar Daily" -> then became "BiPolar Daily(ish) -> and finally "BiPolar Etcetera". I even toyed with the idea of morphing it into "Just Etcetera", which is probably what I will do if this blog ever continues :)

11 comments:

  1. Understanding the problem is part of the solution but you will NEVER understand the mind fully.

    I agree, visiting the same problem everyday can only exasperate the problem. I did not visit your blog everyday to wallow in the problem but to read a lot of interesting statements, comments and insights into the human condition.

    Listening to polarised points of view form bi-polarised people can only be entertaining.

    Never forgot the z0tl in all of us.

    I will miss BiPolar Etcetera.

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  2. Hey Chris

    Thanks for all you input and books over the years. In their way they drew me closer to myself. I fully understand where you are now. We all have to shed our skins, like a snake, time and time again to move on and evolve.

    Go well my friend, to you and your family. I am sure that our paths will cross yet again. V of Hout Bay.

    Fading light,
    Dims the sight,
    And a star gems the sky,
    Gleaming bright,
    From afar,
    Drawing nigh.
    Falls the night,
    Thanks and praise.

    For our days,
    Neath the sun,
    Neath the stars,
    Neath the sky,
    As we go,
    This we know,
    God is nigh

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  3. Thank you! Thank you for sharing a part of your journey with the rest of us! And good luck!

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  4. P.S Kommetjie is beautiful.Dropped my kid off at Soetwater for a school camp this morning and did a slow drive back to town via your neck of the woods. Chill boet. V.

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  5. I have appreciated your work over the years. I am a fellow godman/nobody. Someday there'll be a place where we don't have to figure everything out.
    Shalom.

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  6. I've taken longer and longer breaks over the last few years, it does help. Hope you will come by and visit us occassionally, good luck and be well.

    :*
    Princess

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  7. Yes!
    You end up living your disorder, and I've experienced the exact thing you so eloquently described. After a while, and after having some major shit happen in my life, I started to "journal" again, and it is therapeutic. But with newfound consciousness, it's easier to keep things in perspective.

    All the best to you.

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  8. Check out this book by David Morehouse " Psychic Warrior "

    Remember our spirit side is neither born nor does it die.

    Have a good 2009.

    V.

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