Wednesday, November 16, 2005

STOPPED!!!!

At 22hours 31 minutes and 12 seconds last night I had my FINAL cigarette. Its now 9h55am, and approaching the all important first milestone - the 12 hour mark.

So far, so good. Put the Nicorette patch on my left shoulder the minute I got up (actually I was still in bed) and have survived without a puff 'til now. And I know all too well - one puff (no, half a puff) and the whole friggin project is ruined.

I've got Nicorette gums for real emergencies, but I haven't really had one yet. My main strategy is to keep myself busy as shit. And I'll be updating this blog post all day. Sharing the pain with the Whole Wide World kinda helps...



14h02

Sheeesh.....this is like running a damn marathon. Can't sit still. Pacing, pacing, pacing. All jumpy and bouncing all over the place. But you know what? I'M GONNA WIN!!!



19h23

Pushing 18 hours now. Looking forward to getting to sleep. Jumpity, jumpity. And I've pretty much written the day off work-wise. I can't focus. I think cigarettes used to ("used to" - listen to me!) focus my mind. Like hey, sit down, take a deep breath (of smoke) and collect your thoughts so that they glow in a concise pinpoint like the ember in the end of your cigarette.

And the whole afternoon, after finishing one task or another, this warm good feeling slips into my brain. Ah...time for a...

Yip, it's getting hard. Just spent the last half hour flat and motionless on my bed. This is always the last resort. I think it came from my serious mediation days. Just become very still, motionless, silent and surrender. You get into a kind of state where anything could happen and it wouldn't affect you - you're just kind of detached. Think I'll be needing it quite often in the next few days.

7 comments:

  1. While you are on the withdrawal sweats, what happened to project Dog ?

    Mate of mine was on those patches. Ended up that the patch and a light smoke was a good combination.

    Stay away from those gums, they are evil. I almost puked, then hit the a cigar and a wide range off drinks.

    Good luck, early days.

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  2. Hey Bipolar Guy, I feel your pain. We of the Bipolar persuasion tend to self-medicate, do we not? It took me years to get off of the narcotic Hydrocodone, just because it helped me control the mania! Keep going with this, quitting is hard, I know, but it's going to be best for you...eventually, after your body stops freaking out from withdrawal. Try to keep busy, keep your mind off of the smoke.

    I'm glad to find your site, to see I am not the only one basing a blog on being Bipolar. Maybe we are giving too much away about ourselves, but hell, it's cheaper than therapy, right?

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  3. Hey BiPolar Guy, hang in there!!
    Trying to stop myself since Monday, slipped a bit, but only smoking one a day since then (down from 20). Planning to drop the whole thing on monday. I hope :)

    Really, when you wake up tomorrow morning just open the window and smell how fresh the air smells, it will be an instant motivator.

    Lots of sleep also help for the first few days. Once you've made it past 72 hours you're home.

    Good luck!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. First off, good luck with quitting!

    Secondly, I'm ok you stole off o fme, LOL

    Third, I frequent TIP as well. And I think a lot of normals out there think we're very entertaining with being manic. No one wants to read about the depressive shit

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  5. Bipolar Guy: email me at aggs0717@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. It will be difficult for you because you probably have been using smoking as a way to cope. I suggest you keep your doctor informed and use that meditation!!

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