Tonight I Quit Smoking

Cigarettes, I'm talking about. I've got the Nicorette patches, I've got the Nicorette chewing gum. I've heard that the prescription drug Zyban helps people stop smoking too, but it's an anti-depressant and I'm not keen to throw another ingredient into my daily chemical concoction.

I've stopped smoking on Nicorettes before. Stopped smoking before?? Is that an oxymoron or what? Brings to mind Mark Twain's famous quip: "Stopping smoking is the easiest thing in the world - I've done it hundreds of times!"

Seriously though, I stopped completely for 10 years. So what kind of moron starts again?? Believe it or not - there was a rational reason and in fact restarting smoking was a positive step. It all comes back to weed smoking (and hopefully brings me back to the weed topic I've digressed from the last 2 days). You'll see in my next "Weed Smokin' Days" post that, in fact, I stopped weed smokin for 16 years. Then in 2003, after selling my business and trashing my business mindset, I got into the whole alternate dimensions thing again. And the joints started. The plan was to have this kind of once-a-month mystical ritual of herbal enlightenment, but in no time the joints were daily.

It caused shit in my new marriage. If I wasn't BiPolar and didn't have a history of mental instability, it don't think it would've been a problem. But those are "ifs" and in fact, it WAS a problem. So one day after a few weeks of being solid stoned out of my bracket 24/7, I woke up and needed a joint. I still wasn't smoking cigarettes at the time, but there's no doubt that the tobacco mix in dem joints was getting to be part of the crave.

So that fine morning, with mounting pressure from Mrs. M (sorry Maggs, I'm borrowing your formula here) , I suddenly had an insight. I told Mrs M: "Its either a joint or a cigarette - take your pick". As opposed to cigarettes as Mrs M was (she'd married a non-smoker damnit!), the choice was a no-brainer. We both knew I'd get addicted to Nicotine again, but figured it would be better for my head.

So here I've sat for 2 years back at my old habit. It worked - I haven't smoked a joint since. But it also hasn't worked - my lungs are spluttering and wheezing, I get this constant nausea and the house stinks. Even my dog, Socrates, has started coughing. BiPolar Guy, remember, is an ALL or NOTHING guy, so it wasn't a case of a few smokes on the weekend. No sireee, a full 20 a day, sometimes 30.

So tonight I'm going to FUCKING DO IT! Throw all the cigs in the fire. And if I'm really bad-mooded areshole over the next few days you'll know Y.