Friday, January 20, 2006

Weed Part 3

After yesterday's mourning of the loss of the muses, it was natural to start thinking about new sources for inspiration. And it was equally natural that this line of thinking would eventually lead to weed.

I never finished my mini-series on weed that I started posting last year. But it's time to pick up again. Let me tell you at the outset that if it wasn't for Mrs M's passionate opposition, BPG would smoke weed every day for the rest of his life.

WHY? It's all to do with being BiPolar and being creative. Us BiPolar's have zero control over our moods. OK so other writers and artists have their own Writer's Block, but I would argue that their chances of dispelling the blocks through pro-active mood management, are a hundred times more likely than a BiPolar's. Enter weed. Weed is literally the "magic pill", the grailsih elixer that finally gives the BiPolar some control of his/her moodscape.

Maybe it's unique to the way my brain is wired, but smoking weed for me is the most profound and mystical experience. I often think it's the only time I feel truly alive. You know the times when you feel you need a real "Reality Jolt"? Well dope does it for me. A couple of puffs and GOOONK - there is reality, in all it's naked beauty.

And things take on such meaning. Little things. Cooking a meal. Pulling weeds out the garden. Making a fire. SIGNificance abounds.

As a BiPolar ONE, and with experience of chronic psychosis, I can tell you too that psychosis (if you control the fear) is a very exhilerating place. And the Down that follows psychotic episodes is often a result of the Loss of the Magic.

Explaining what psychosis is like to Muggles is nigh impossible. But if there is one thing that comes remotely close to the Other World, it is chemically induced altered states. So the Psychotic and the Drug Tripper have close bonds (and also perhaps the genuine mystics). Who else has ever, could ever, taste these forbidden worlds? Which is why I've always had this incredible fascination with the drug culture.

Don't get me wrong - I know that weed can trigger latent chemical brain imbalances in people. Had these people not participated, they may even have lived totally normal lives (oblivios that deep down BiPolar Disorder lurked). But for me it's too late. The horse has already bolted. So the rationale that I should not smoke weed because it might trigger latent conditions such as BiPolar Disorder no longer cuts.

Phew, this must rate as my longest post. So I think I'll split it up and leave some for the morrow. I'll finish this one off where I started - with Mrs M. I love her dearly and am helluva lucky to have her. And yes, she is an anchor in my life. But when the cravings for dope get this bad, I can't help but think that sometimes anchors can be handbrakes.

More 2morro...

2 comments:

  1. I know what you mean, about the weed and the anchor. I am lucky enough that if I want to partake, I can. But my anchor stops me from accomplishing so much in my life. It is nice to hear that yours is supportive and wonderful to you. That would be so great. I stopped "smoking" at the New Year, but when I do have at it some, I also tend to get into a creative mode and have taken some of my best photographs. I have even said to my doc that if I could just be stoned all day, that I wouldn't need the other meds, at which point he reminds me of legality issues. PHLBBT!!!

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  2. Hello:)
    Well I don't think I'll tell my daughter to start smoking weed, but I'm glad it helps you. I do like that book "Bipolar Disorder for Dummies", and my daugher glanced through it, so maybe she can get some tips from the book. I hope the book doesn't tell you to smoke weed:) I had to say that! Well have a great weekend! Take care, Elisa:)

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