Thursday, February 09, 2006

The place I call home

<= Took this pic recently when I was picking up Mrs M from Cape Town City

I don't profess to be an astute commentator on global politics, but I think most people are worried about the Iranian nuke threat. I read a good article recently propounding that the only way to avert an eventual nuke showdown is for EVERYONE to disarm. Well here's an interesting fact that most people won't know: South Africa was the 7th nation in the world to develope nuke warheads and the ONLY nation to voluntarily and completely disarm.

I'm not saying we don't have problems down here in our sunny little corner of the planet but no matter what: this is the place I call home.

After yesterday's worries, I must tell you that Miss L has got a new skip in her step, and sparkle in her eye, that I don't think she's had in 5 years. And just seeing that makes every last bit of re-adjustment utterly worthwhile.

And as for no time for myself, I've worked out that there's a self-inflicted culprit that's stealing over an hour a day. The friggin' cigarettes. I don't like smoking indoors, so every half hour or so I have to head outside to do some puffin. Add that up over 20 cigs a day and you've lost a shit loada time.

Wish I hadn't started again. I completely stopped last November and had successfully crossed the 3 month barrier and then, 10 days ago, with the very real prospect of being thrown in jail for kidnapping my daughter, I succumbed. It sounded like a worthy excuse at the time - but NO excuse is worthy. There's gonna be lots of other stressful times in the future. Like my parents dying one day. Am I gonna restart then too?

I'd stop right now but Mrs M, radical anti-smoker as she is, says it would be a bad idea. Let the dust settle she says, let the stress melt down. S'pose she's right.

Thanx to all you guy's supportive comments on this blog. They help a lot.


  1. I agree with her- for now the damage is doe- wait til a more peaceful time to try and quit again and give yourself the best chance of success. Your world has been turned topsy turvy and this is not the time to quit. Quitting is just to freaking hard. I have quit for up to 6 months at a time and always some crisis comes along and I run for my nicotine crutch. True they are always serious crisises (wonder if I spelled that right) I'm almost paranoid about quitting now. This little devil in the back of mind tells me that if I quit something awful will happen again. Its a crock I know but its there. Anyway I believe you have to be at least semi peaceful to stop again. I'm happy to hear about the sparkle in your daughters eye. Thats lovely to here about. Is she on anti-depressants?? Zoloft is particularly good for cutters if she isnt already taking something. While taking her out of the environment was the best thing you could do, she might need a bit of medication for a while also with some therapy. I havent read your entire blog yet, I promise I will eventually so maybe you have already posted about this and Im speaking out of turn. If so disregard it. I wish you and your family all the very best you need and deserve it.

  2. Wow, it warms my soul all of the good things happening for you and to you! How awesome and much deserved.

    You avoiding my blog, bro?

  3. When the US was screaming about inspecting Iraq for "weapons of mass destruction" I said "Great idea. Let's inspect the United States and its fleet for weapons of mass destruction, too."

    Stress release is key to our ability to avoid mania and depression. Cigarettes are like alcohol -- only a temporary and illusionary relief. I find many things work for me: deep breathing, petting my cats, and xanax are just some of the tools.

    Now and then, I do a poll of my bipolar friends about a crisis which an online friend is going through. When I gave them only the skeleton of your adventure (Bipolar man kidnaps daughter), the vote was 1 to 14. (The one was me.) When I gave them the details, it was 15 to 0.

    Moral: make your full story known. I'm behind you and so are many other people.

  4. I hope to be able to visit South Africa someday. My sister's fiancee moved here to the States 5 years ago from Cape Town, and he just descibes everything as being so beautiful...

  5. LOL. Maggs asked the same question on my blog, too.

    Quitting isn't easy, and something you should do when things settle down a bit. I know that sounds like it could easily be used as an excuse, but you'll know when the time is right. Listen to what your body (not necessarily your mind) tells you.

    I've only just started reading your blog, but I'm so happy for you that you have your daughter.


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