Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Taking Strain

Question to all you BiPolar parents out there: How do you do it?

I'm taking strain. Last week's catching up big time, and a down is well overdue now. What the fck am I going to do now if I hit a "Got-a-Gun" day. Can't just tell Miss L, "Bye, sort yourself out, see you in 24".

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't have it any other way. The way I see it, it was either this or Miss L's life. But I'm having huge difficulties adjusting. OK so I used to be a mega-selfish dude. And yes, I'm missin the fact that I haven't had 5 min to myself in the last 2 weeks. But I can't undo it. That's who I was, that's how I've lived my life the past 5 years.

Mrs M. is taking strain too. She was up in Johannesburg last week too, and is playing catch up at work now. And the finances have tacken a HUGE knock. 70 000 bucks - one week. Damn lawyers.

And the worst part is my old enemy - GUILT. Here I am whinging and whimpering and MIss L's life has been turned upside down a hundred times worse than mine...

5 comments:

  1. I think being a parent makes being bipolar 100 times worse. I am lucky that hubby is a good support system and my son understands that sometimes mommy needs alone time. I think that children need to know that their parents have problems too.

    It just happens that in my house my son is also bipolar, and through lots of family therapy we have been able to work these things out.

    BTW, a very strick bedtime works too for some alone time...LOL

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  2. Actually I am thinking that the need my children have had for me has saved my life. No matter how sick I was, how down I was, I had to drag myself into some semblence of humanity and be there for them and I did. I'm not saying its easy. Its the hardest thing you will ever do and the most important. You can explain your illness to her but no matter you have to try to be available for her. Absolutlely no suicide talk or anythig like that. Its too much for a child to do with, even a teenager. You can think and of course you will but you cant express it to them. You have to be the parent and its hard. Just try andlet her know that if your words are a bit slurred and your expression is blank it doesnt mean you arent listening and you dont care, it means you are ill. Let her know it comes and goes and you love her no matter what. Reassure her that it always passes and the better times come again and no matter what she is loved and cared for and that daddy is gonna be ok. At least thats been my experience as a bi-polar parent of cutting teen. Also if you would like you can add me to IM. I would be happy to talk to you anytime. You would be welcome to tell me all the stuff you cant tell your teen and I have lived thru and so did my teen so maybe I can help. My IM addy's are wiccette@msn.com or Raine1563@yahoo.com. Feel free to use them anytime you feel in need of support

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  3. My daughter is only five but what raine said goes double for me. I miss her terribly when she's with her mom for a few days and I start to imagine my life without her. She's too young to know anything about my illness but she does know about grumpy daddy and has started giving me hugs when I get moody. She's really a godsend. Yes, I'm guessing you'll have to sacrifice a lot of your solitary time, but who would you rather be sacrificing it for? I'm guessing a teen won't be wanting to spend all her time with you anyways, so cherish the time you do get. There'll probably be a lot of getting reacquainted at first as she hasn't lived with you for some time. I'm thiking it may be the other lady in your life who might start to bear the brunt of your low days. Don't lean on her too much if you can help it! And please feel free to post on my blog. I update it daily and respond to comments. I really appreciate having access to your forum, so thanks and good luck.

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  4. If you haven't seen a good cognitive therapist, I'd find one now. Restructuring our thoughts is essential to our dealings with others. Things will trigger you: the question is what will you do to prevent them from escalating you into a full-blown mania?

    Studies show that meds alone can't do it. You need to evaluate yourself and root out unnecessary negativism.

    Why dwell on what might happen when you fall into a knife-toting mixed mania? How about remembering that your self knowledge makes you better able to understand your daughter. After all, it was YOU who had the sense to step in and save her from her cutting. YOU acknowledged that there was a problem and YOU took her to a place of safety.

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  5. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I agree with Joel, find a therapist you can chat with.

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