Thursday, April 06, 2006

Wracked with Doubt

Doubt is starting to dribble into every corner of my life. Take meditation. Is it the right thing right now? This is what it does:

  • Mellows you out
  • Teaches you to accept things the way they are
  • Teaches you not to focus on the future

Is this really what a person heading for bankruptcy should be doing?? OK, so it might have been excellent back in the corporate days when I was rushing around like a lizzard without a tail. But now? Surely at this moment in time what I am needing is:

  • Snap out of the comfort zone
  • DO NOT accept things like they are - change them
  • Focus very sharply on your future financial situation

I'm thinking that a daily swim in the ice-cold South Atlantic is what is needed at this point in my journey.

Sometimes I wish I had access to a wise and all-knowing guru who could answer all the questions I battle with through life. But there isn't one. Unfortunately "Conversations with Blog" doesn't qualify. So we just got to make the best guestimate that we can make ourselves.

I'm going on a camping trip for a week leaving this coming Sunday. So until then I think i'm gonna leave things just the way they are. Meditate each morning. Write my blog each morning. And then have a long, hard, serious think about things when I'm sitting in my tent. And maybe make some changes when I get back.

"The more things change
the more they stay the same."

As to my mood right now (whose changing never changes):

Apathy
Lethargy
Monotony

You've got it:
Pretty-fckn-Shitty

5 comments:

  1. From that place that meditation takes you, you can go anywhere you want... without the overlay of panic and obsession.

    Mage

    ReplyDelete
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  3. Hi honey. Just catching up on your last 7 posts because I am a sucky friend and been in my own shell. You still got my email address, right?

    So, you've gone way up and then way down. Maybe a mixed state in between?

    I wonder if something is up in the solar system. I haven't been myself much lately. I've been surprising myself.

    You do your meditation if you want or take that walk on the beach. Either way it's a stress reliever.

    Hell, a group hug from Miss L and Mrs. M might do the trick too.

    XOXOXOX

    ReplyDelete
  4. make money mike should discover my secret: don't keep trying to sell people stuff and they might actually think you're alright. Regarding being wracked with doubt: do you prefer overconfidence? It's usually the manic I-can-get-away-with-anything feeling that lands me in the soup. But that bracing ocean dip does sound invigorating.

    ReplyDelete
  5. If you spend all day meditating, the answer is no. If you set aside a bit of time in the morning for it, it adds to your life.

    The same holds good for your blog.

    ReplyDelete

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