Inertia

Here I sit, 10 o'clock Tuesday morning. Today I just can't get going. I know there's a million things I should be doing but every time I try make a start it just feels like I've got these gegantic steel chains holding me down. Part of me says: "Jus fckn do it! Make the start and you'll break through the barrier". But the other part rebels."I'm not fckn moving!" it says, "Not now, not for the rest of the day!" Yesterday the rebel faction won. I spent most of the morning horizontal in bed (not so difficult to do down here in the mid-winter southern hemisphere).

(Oh, before I forget: Michelle, the movie I spoke about yesterday was "What the bleep do we know". Sorry for the confusion)

So far today Mr Stubborn has been in control too. But somehow I've gotta outwit him. Taking him on head-on doesn't seem to work. His obstinacy just grows and grows. No, I've gotta sneak thru the back door. Find something he won't mind doing too much (like writing this blog) and then moving slowly onto something else, until I wear the inertia down. Hopefully if I do this enough, I can even get down to my office to put in a little work today.

I still don't know what's gonna happen with the sale of my business. The CEO had to rush to a funeral at the last board meeting and the next one is only this Friday. So they've promised me some kind of answer by Monday. It was very difficult to get back to focusing on my business after I was first approached by them. The prospect of felling this debt in one shot, and even having a couple 100k change, was mindblowing. It threw me right off track. And then their interest seemed to cool a little and last week I had to force myself back into the office. I managed this principally by convincing myself through a set of carefully constructed rationalisations, that, in fact, I'd be better off if the sale didn't go through. Their loss, my gain.

But now the harsh reality is starting to surface again. OK so small profits are starting to trickle in, but it'll still be a couple months before I can cover my personal expenses. And our credit lines have run out. I've only got capital to carry me for about another 3 months. Fuck, I may even
have to resort to half day bookkeeping if there's not some change.

So I guess that's why I'm struggling right now. When your fortune swings about like this on a wild pendulum, I reckon even normies would find it difficult to keep their emotions on an even keel.

And now, tp top things off, I've got a pulsating headache developing. Probably from spending so much time horizontal...