Recurring Dreams
There was a mean shorebreak when I went to our beach yesterday. Lots of surfers out further up the beach.
Waves are something I dream about often. The other recurring dream (nightmare) that I have had for 10 years now is that I'm back writing my matric final exams. There's about a week to go and I haven't opened one book the whole year. I've always known that there's gonna be a problem come year end but just pushed it right out of my mind. Now it arrives. it is plainly evident that there is no way in heaven that I'm gonna pass. Which means that I'm gonna have to spend another friggin year in school. Sheer panic! It's the most terrible feeling.
I've formulated a couple analyses of this dream. For one thing it's not that far from what happened in my real matric exams. That year I smoked weed every day for the whole year and I DIDN'T do any work. But in the end I passed, which is further than I get in the nightmare as I always wake up just before exams are set to start. Never any resolution.
But there are deeper meanings to this dream. Undoubtedly they're related to my polevaulter style of doing things: wait 'til the last goddam minute and then put an almighty leap in. It's a fckn stressful way to get through life. Up until that last minute, just live in complete denial - push the upcoming deadline right out of your head.
And, yes, a polevault is neccessary right now. For 5 years I've ignored the fact that if I don't start earning more than I'm spending something's eventually gotta give. I've been going deeper and deeper into debt, living in a little comfort zone knowing that there's always more cash available. Now the credit lines have dried up, and its polevault time. Go Big or Go Bust. Well, I've got the ol' pole out and I'm sussing out the bar to see the best way to get over. And holding fckn thumbs.
As to the dreams of waves, I worked out about a year ago what that one is about. Huge big waves bearing down on me threatening to drown my soul, followed by lapses in between. BiPolar to the T. (or coffee if you prefer)
I have the recurring exam nightmare as well; it can be school exams or final year exams at University. LastMinute.com was named after me!! So much pressure and so little time. Each morning I wake up on the brink of complete disaster with the words and a huge sense of relief, "Thank FUCK that was a dream!"
ReplyDeleteI was in debt but cleared that with the sale of a property that was meant to be my pension. Now I am living off my pension. I have 25 years until I can retire! I absolutely don’t want to be a pole vaulter anymore. In comparison to your analogy I would like to measure the height to the pole, build a step ladder at a steady pace and step over the bar. No stress, assured completion and satisfaction.
As the joke goes:- A guy speaks to an athlete at the running track, “Are you a pole vaulter? “ Athlete replies, “Sorry no, I am Scottish, my name is WillBeFine and I build ladders step by step”
That is a nice photo.
ReplyDeleteI often have dreams about waves , I wonder if that is common in Bi-Polar circles.