People who feel too much
I often think that this is what bipolar is all about - feeling too much. I see it in Miss L. She feels much deeper than the other kids around her, and you can see her getting swept away with her emotions. Not that she wants to, just that she does. Can't help herself.
I was the same when I was 13. There were like these huge storms that would go on in my head. Sometimes good storms, sometimes bad. And rational thinking just had to take a back seat when the storms were raging. I couldn't think, I couldn't see... all I could do was feel. My whole being got caught up in the vortex.
That's when the cutting happens - when the feeling is just so intense, so desperate, so urgent, so driving you crazy, that you need, have to have - like NOW - a physical pain to control the psychic pain. It's the only thing that can penetrate the tornado of emotion. The last semblance of control.
But I ask a question. Is it really a bad trait to feel too much? Would it be better to feel less?
"The unlived life is not worth examining"
That's why I put it there.
(right top)
All those months ago
excuse me but I did not understand why it's not worth trying an unlived life ? and what is worth examining for you ?
ReplyDeleteI agree. My teenage alcoholism was simply an attempt to dampen those overwhelming emotions I was feeling at the time. Little did I realise that alcohol actually amplifies feelings of sadness. I was in a deep lasting depression before you knew it, and when I started to clean up my act and get rid of all the toxins: whoops, hello mania! Of course, other attempts at self-medication didn't help either.
ReplyDeleteThe first feelings of love I had towards a girl at high school resulted in too much pain for me. So much deep emotion for a girl I hardly spoke to and trying to rationalise my feelings and thoughts. The pain I felt when I overheard her saying at a drunken party, "That prick asked me out", took me 15 years to overcome.
ReplyDeleteI agree - live life to its' fullest, even if that means FEEL life to its' fullest. I'd rather feel TOO much and have compassion for others than to feel nothing or very little and not know what it is like to really....FEEL. People who are not bipolar simply cannot understand. I watch. I see. They try to understand my explanations, my descriptions, my deep compassion and depth of...feeling...and they just...don't...get it. I sometimes wish I didn't have this, but a lot of time, I think..."how ignorant" of those who don't feel as strongly as I do about something, ANYTHING.
ReplyDeleteI believe being able to feel is vital and nessecary to being "human" and to live life to its fullest. When your feelings are SO strong that they become irrational however and your sadness and pain lead to selfdestruction then I'd have to say its a bad thing.
ReplyDeleteYes, it can seem like you understand everything and are so connected with people that you feel their sadness or dispair so intensely that you may not want to feel anything at all -- or just want to feel and embrace some feelings of your own -- my addictions were a barrier to allowing myself anytime to think or feel. I just wanted to escape -- but it so much better to be real and be in the here and now -- but yeah -- I sometimes wanna escape for awhile.....
ReplyDelete