To drink or not to
I stopped drinking alcohol about 2 years ago. Not that I was an alcoholic, more that hangovers reacted really badly with my depression. So, being an all or nothing kinda Guy, I decided to ditch drinking altogether.
It hasn't been hard. Like I said, I wasn't alcohol dependent. I used it mainly to take the edge off in large social gatherings. But there haven't been lots of large social gatherings in my life the past year. Up until this coming Saturday.
It's my cousin's 40th and she's having a big get-2-gether. Her family is the acheiver side of the family, her 4 brothers are all highly successful businessmen and all 4 of them have provincial colours for sport - the one actually has national colours for South Africa. And they're a pretty snooty judgmental bunch. So you don't feel so cool when you creep in there holding up the BiPolar side of the family. Like MENTAL not judgeMENTAL.
Normally there wouldn't be a scrap of doubt - Don't Go. But this time I'm thinking I have to, for Miss L's sake. She hasn't even met that side of the family, and I think its valuable that she does. Even if just to see that our greater family is not all alternate in the head.
But as Saturday draws nearer, visions of quaking under the table are becomming more vivid. An easy solution would be to have a few drinks before going. Kind of like a short term tranquilizer. Truth be told, my pDoc actually gave me a supply of Beta-blockers (Inderal) for just such occassions, but I've tried them and they do absolutely nothing for me.
There's Pros and Cons both ways. If I don't do the drink I might well end up not going. It certainly wouldn't be the first time I've pulled a "no show" for a social function. And I'm thinking that would really be a let down for Miss L.
he Con of drinking is that I would have caved in to my fear, broken a 2 year old abstinence and paved the way for a few more drinks every time there's a social occassion.
But as usual, the Cancerian in me is scuttling from side to side in indecision, pincers groping the air for answers. Any ideas??
Go for a really HARD run before you go. Remove all the nervous energy and enter the party on a high. Do not drink. The fear is always greater than the actual event.
ReplyDeleteYou are fortunate that you aren’t alcohol dependant. But you’ll do OK this weekend. You’re stronger now than you were a year ago when I first “met” you. Could you go, put in a few hours, fall “sick” and leave? Is Mrs. M going as well? Use her for an excuse of some sort (I do that to E all the time).
ReplyDeletedead easy to say: "Dear BPG..for yourself and for Miss L simply....do NOT drink + (to enrich this cliche)work on yourself too",that's it, a little pushhhhh , not easy , we all know....BUT just imagin what a great achievement it will be... don't you want it???
ReplyDelete-yes?...you'll do well monsieur!!
-No?...I have nothing more to say!!
make plans to do something that evening (movie, dinner with fam, a walk in the park, tv show at home whatever) which will give you a certain amount of time to be around these people, and will also give you a viable excuse to leave early. That way you have something to look forward to which might take the edge off. As a social phobic person myself, this is one of the only things that works for me. That and a drink.
ReplyDeletedrinking really can mess you up- can cause mania in the long run. For situations like that I use ativan or xanax. I rarely use these things but i do have them on hand for such times(such as walking thru the mall and bursting into tears....... panicking while getting a hair cut etc) as a matter of fact the prescription I had that was meant to last for a month lasted a year and I just got a refill. It doesnt "do" alot but it does take the edge off and help me to function enough to get thru. Antianxiety meds do serve a purpose when they are not being abused
ReplyDeletei do not know about you but i drink the same way you described...briefly and for a purpose, when i'm anxious. it almost always BACKFIRES horribly, that is when i call somebody something or some such idiocy.it is the way to make friends enemies really fast, and the way to potentially lose face. thus i'd say to you what i say to myself...don't even think about it. good luck with the event. i'm sure you are more sensitive than you need to be, and even if you aren't and they ARE judgemental as all hell, so what! That's their problem, not yours. wishing you well...
ReplyDelete