Thursday, May 17, 2007

For those who take life too seriously:

From Scribd the world's largest open library of documents

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set
2.
A day without sunshine is, like, night
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets thecheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above yourprinciples.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catchup.
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

9 comments:

  1. willbefine17 May, 2007

    55. I have told you a million times not to exagerate.

    ReplyDelete
  2. 56. instead of stabbing your left eyeball with a toothpick out of boredom, read bpg's bipolar dailish!

    ReplyDelete
  3. bipolarbear17 May, 2007

    57.the more serious you take the world the more difficult things appear to you.
    conclusion: take it easy man ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. 58. If it talks like a duck and it walks like a duck, who they hell cares.

    ReplyDelete
  5. 59. it's not MY manuscript, i hope to gawd you understand if i were that advanced i wouldn't bother with teh introweb:z! erm, if at first you don't succeed, give up and blame your parents?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I LOVE this! A minute ago I was going depressed, now I realise I´m still too enthusiastic...I´ll have to put this entire list up on the wall at work.

    "Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm."

    ReplyDelete
  7. 60. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Those are great...

    I use to have both of these funny Buddhist bumper stickers on my car (now I just have the second one although I want to get the first one again):

    1). Honk if you don't exist.

    and

    2). My other vehicle is the Mahayana

    ReplyDelete
  9. 61. Wherever you go, there you are.

    ReplyDelete

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