REclusivity
The other day when I bemoaned the fact that I am a hard-core hermit, WillbeFine left the following comment:
You are only a physical recluse, your mind is open to the world around you and you have invited many people in.
Thanks WBF. And yes it is true I suppose, my online persona and offline (meatspace) persona are totally out of synch (ala Schizophrenic??). Online I am a veritable exhibitionist - I Lurrv people to check out my photos, art, blog, website, profiles, Amazon account etc. etc. (the more the better)
But offline, I lead a reclusive life. Hectic reclusivity. Like the only other person I ever talk to during the week is Mrs M. Now and then I see my family and her family on the weekends. The only time I really get out is to do the weekly shop, and even then, if I see people I know in the mall, I try not to bump into them. The business that I run (for a career) is a 100% percent One-man-band. Everything is done by email, I don't even answer the phone (permanent voice mail message).
Its not something I am proud of, or like to talk about. But my recent adventures in FaceBook have brought the lack of social life into painful scrutiny. I've been on Facebook for 2 months and have a total of 11 "friends", the vast majority of which are extended family. In fact, if there is one feature that defines my life more than any other (more even than BiPolar) it is my reclusivity.
WHY am I so reclusive?
I am not been unmodest when I say that it is definitely NOT because there aren't people out there wanting to be our friends. There are PLENTY - actually wayy too many for Mrs M and my likings as we continually have to invent excuses to duck out of socila get2gethers. Which is why, when I bought up the topic with Mrs M recently, she said: "But BPG, you're a recluse by choice".
OK fine, but WHY do I choose this?
Difficult question. Most choices are defined by either:
You are running towards something
OR
You are running way from something
(eg: my decision to possibly emigrate to NZ is almost definitely Running Away from the crime in this country, not that I desperately wnat to live in NZ)
My choice not to socialise is a bit of both, but to be true, I am probably running more AWAY than TOWARDS
I'll post why I think this is so soon...
Yes, you are an Internet Recluse. No eye contact and no verbal communication. Is that such a problem? If it is a phobia then treatment would be beneficial. If it is a lifestyle choice, then there is no problem.
ReplyDeleteI have been reading your blog posts for a while now and have found them very illuminating. I, too, have bipolar and am often reclusive. I used to suffer a lot of anxiety after attending social events, worrying in case I had said too much, too loudly or just the wrong thing. When nervous I blurt out rubbish. Now the anxiety comes before and I just avoid these things altogether if I can. Luckily I have have contact with other people through voluntary work which reduces the need to "chat" and I am able to meet up with friends occasionally which is more relaxing. I love being on the computer best because I can think before I write anything and amend any ambiguities if possible. In addition to Bipolar I have an auditory processing disorder which means I don't take in verbal instructions or information very well. I came across the following online, which sums me up. (even if it is soppy)
ReplyDelete"I luv my computer because my friends live in it,"
Same here. Going strong for 7 years now... The only difference is that I'm pretty much a recluse on the Internet as well. Blogging is great, but I do very little private emailing and no chatting at all.
ReplyDeleteI became a hermit because having too much contact with people exacerbates the manic side of me.
Hi sweetness, long time no talk! If I don't have you signed up for my blog, shoot me an email with your email so I can set you up: maggs_is@alittlecrazy.net
ReplyDeleteYou've always welcomed me in your life-you're awesome!
I'll try to find you on facebook. I'm out there an on myspace too.