Sessions of the OB (aka obsessions)
Following my last post about my obsessive tendencies this year, Anonymous left the following comment:
Question: do you immediately move on to a new obsession or, like me, suddenly lose interest and fall into a depression thinking "I've just wasted the last f*cking months of my life on something I have no intention of pursuing further after having devoted every waking minute to making myself the world expert"?
Yes, I definitely "suddenly lose interest and fall into depression." Except in my case it would be truer to say: "I suddenly fall into depression and lose interest". And that, for moi, is why obsessivness and BiPolar go hand in hand. A new Obsession invariably starts in a hypo-manic phase. I throw myself into it with a zeal and passion that few Monopolars could match. But at some point the inevitable (and totally irrational) slump arrives (this can take weeks or sometimes months) and I lose interest in EVERYTHING including the Obsession.
But Obesessivness also dovetails with BiPolar in other ways. We're the All-or-Nothing brigade remember. No half-hearted (or "sensibly balanced" - depending on how you look at it) attempts for us. No Sirreee, we dive in boots and all. And if we suddenly get a little disheartened, we drop the thing - TOTALLY.
I'm thinking that this is also probably more of a male tendency thing. The hunters rather than the gatherers. One thing (and only ONE thing) in the cross-hairs of the sites. Total, concentrated, focus. EXCLUSIVE focus.
As to Anonymous's second part of the question:
...thinking "I've just wasted the last f*cking months of my life on something I have no intention of pursuing further after having devoted every waking minute to making myself the world expert"?
No, I don't usually think this. My core passions/interests (obsessions), always return. And I pick up where I left off. So the hours I've devoted are never wasted. In fact, as I make peace with being a helpless obsessive I even think of each 2 or 3 month spurt as a project and when the passion wanes I kinda file it away for next time it visits.
The only part that I seem to have zero control over is: which passion will arrive when, how long it will last. (And, of course, Why). Actually I've got an inkling of WHY: probably because "I'm a million different people, from one day to the next" (lyrics courtesy of the Verve)
So have a SMASHING New Year Peoploids.
...not that the date means a lot if you follow the Pythagorean calendar as does BPG :)
BPG and I will reach the New Year before our State side cousins. Once BPG gets to New Zealand he can have the joy of being one of the first in the world to experience the New Year.
ReplyDeleteHappy Hogmanay
"I'm thinking that this is also probably more of a male tendency thing. The hunters rather than the gatherers. One thing (and only ONE thing) in the cross-hairs of the sites. Total, concentrated, focus. EXCLUSIVE focus."
ReplyDeleteI disagree that it's a male tendency. I've battled with this exact same thing. Until I was diagnosed, I just thought that it was some weird personality quirk. I ended up having lots of unfinished little obsessions all over the house. I still have an unfinished mural against the wall that I started 3 years ago.
Funny thing is, I never painted eyelids on "Mabel" (as I call her), so she's got these weird staring eyes, like she's on crack. Everytime you come in the front door, there's Mabel staring at you like you're some side dish that she didn't order. I think I'm just going to paint white over her and get done with it. Then I just laugh at myself and promise myself that I'll get to her when the "OB" hits me again. (And not to punish myself with guilt everytime I look at her).
So no, I don't think it's a "male thing", but rather a Bipolar thing.
I don't know if you will see my comment or not, but your blog is just freaking awesome. I've searched all over the internet for something like this. Something that tells you what it's like to live with bipolar disorder instead of clinical descriptions. I rapid cycle. And it's as regular as clockwork and I hope this isn't too much information, but it all stems around my menstrual cycle. Every month I get totally amped about something and then I forget all about it. And like you say, they are ususally core interests so I always come back to them. But it's so great to hear that this happens to someone besides me!!
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