Sunday, January 06, 2008

Ways to keep yr sanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8 . Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

2 comments:

  1. ROTFLMAO!!!!

    20. Suddenly look at the other person meaningfully and say:

    "The way of the future."

    Repeat as often as you like.

    Sniggering optional.

    ReplyDelete
  2. solvang, sausalito, i'm sure everything's in limited edition, one sculpture per city per gallery.

    what i wanna know is when you're off lamictal and when you've increased your sitting time by as many minutes as milligrams of lamictal you're tapering off.

    now again from personal experience, you will get NOWHERE with 1/2 hour sitting sessions.

    you need at least 2 hours straight (sure you shuffle position every half hour and sure you can do walking meditation every hour if you so require), but you MUST get to the point where you can sit 2 hours straight.

    when i got going i was doing 4 hours a day, 5am-7am and 7pm-9pm.

    the good news is, once you get it down, you can taper off the meditation too.

    BUT YOU MUST HAVE SOME KIND OF BREAKTHROUGH. AT LEAST THE KIND WHERE YOU FIGURE OUT THE PAIN IN YOUR KNEES CAN TURN INTO PLEASURE IF YOU INSIST LONG ENOUGH ;)

    anyway, stick with sfjane@youtube until i come down with the vid i promissed you.

    now i KNOW zyprexa is the devil, but after being 1 full year off lamictal and previously 3 full years on it, i also KNOW lamictal is anxiety incarnate.

    GET OFF IT ON SCHEDULE.

    Remembah, Remembah,
    The 8th of Marchevah!

    & when you get half ass good, come to Sandy Eggo for sesshin! i'll do a transmission of assholeness unto you 8-X

    ReplyDelete

Recent Posts