blogs STILL rule

There's a million & two places that you can make as your primary residence on the Neb.

For me blogs are still the best. Here's a list of how I see all the potential homes (and their living arrangements) from smallest to biggest.

• THE COMMUNE - Groups/Forums
  Yeah, some people live in forums. Great if you're lonely and want constant contact with the same people (usually with the same interests). But can get friggin' claustrophobic, especially if one or 2 rooms are occupied with A-holes (which invariably they are). Plenty house rules to abide by too.
  
  
• THE GATED SECURITY COMPLEX - Facebook et. al
  Growing Exploding by the day, most people opt for this living arrangement, especially teens and tweens. OK, so there is a HUGE community inside the walls, but there are quite a few rules about what you can and can't do. And anyone that wants to visit you inside your actual abode, has to first go to the security entrance and get a pass. Also, (and I speak from personal experience here) these housing complexes are optimised for your real meatspace ID and real meatspace friends. So you can't really have the freedom of anonymity offered by other housing schemes.
  
  
• THE LOCAL COFFEE SHOP - Twitter, Pownce etc.
  People don't generally take up permanent residence in these locales, but merely pop in for small talk from time to time. Long, deep conversations are not possible. People that frequent coffee shoppes often have their own houses down the street. (see below)
  
  
• THE HOUSE DOWN THE STREET - Blogs
  Your own blog gives you way more freedom to make personal decisions, like what to plant in your garden etc. Some houses can be built from scratch (wordpress etc.) whereas many people opt for neighbourhoods where the the basic structure of the house is already in place (eg. Blogger). Essentially you are the master of your own property, visitors from anywhere can pop in and out, and if they get too rowdy you can lock them out. You'll end up making close friends with people from your neighbourood, visiting each other fairly regularly. If you just wanna hibernate for a week, that's cool too. If you want, you can have really long conversations. And, of course, there is nothing stopping you from visiting your friends at the local coffee shop, or even popping into one of the gated security complexes from time to time.
  
  
• THE ISLAND - your own website
  I've had my own island since 1997 (actually I've had a few). Here you get TOTAL freedom. You can elect your own government, plant whatever dang crops you want, and build nuclear reactors if you so wish (just watch out for Google Earth though). Cool for totally creative types, but a lot more work than the other housing arrangements. Plus, you have ZERO neighbourhood, unless you get people to visit your island. And to do that you need to set up quite a few incoming telecommunication channels (aka hyperlinks) from the mainland, and other islands. If you don't build at least a few ties to other land masses, you may never see another soul.
  

These living arrangements are obviously not mutually exclusive. Some people have their own island, a house on the mainland, a holiday apartment in a gated complex, and regularly pop in to communes to visit old friends. But ultimately you would be wise to settle on ONE primary residence, otherwise you will be wasting a lot of travel time getting from one to the next, and you'll have a huge bunch of keys to carry around.

So for me, I'll stick with BiPolar Etcetera. It works best for me. But you must decide what works for you.

PS: the other living arrangement that's becoming more popular these days are virtual worlds such as Second Life. Some dudes seem to have moved out of there brick & mortar homes and moved permanently into Second Life. But I can't, for the life of me, think of a suitable analogy for that one. Can you?

Quotations on blogging

"When you have nothing to say, say nothing"
- Charles Caleb Colton

"Sit down to write what you have thought and not to think what you shall write"
- William Cobbett

"You don't write because you want to say something; you write because you've got to say something"
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
- Cyril Connolly

OK, so they weren't specifically for blogging, I just decided that. They're taken from a book "Never let a fool kiss you or a kiss fool you" by Dr. Mardy Grothe, a book I purchased at LAX airport many moons ago.

I'm and avid collector of quotes. Especially now that I've found the best web 2.0 quote site around: www.quotiki.com. It even gives you a widget that can feed your own selected quotes. (see at the bottom of this post, after the polls et. al)

I think I like quotes so much because they also abide by the minimalism philosophy. A good one-sentence quote can contain as much (nay, more) wisdom than a 300 page tome. It's just distilled wisdom, the nugget less the ore.

***
PS: WBF - I'll most definitely be answering your excellent questions in the next few days.

Financial contamination

Entrepeneurship is not always a good thing. I should know, my family is littered with entrepeneurs. All self-employed, most of them doing quite well for themselves. ALWAYS looking for opportunities to make another buck.

The problem with this mindset is when it becomes all-pervasive. When everything you view in life, and every activity you take part in, you're looking through your entrepeneurial spectacles (often unbeknowingly).

What got me thinking about this was yesterday's post about the motivations of blogging. I would be lying if I said that I had never entertained dreams of BiPolar Daily somehow turning into a profit machine. Not mega-profits, just enough to keep me ticking down here in my electronic hermitage by the sea.

That sneaking dream was obviously a lot stronger 18 months ago than now. But even these days I catch my entrepernuerial mind at work. Like I'll see statistics that more and more people are getting diagnosed as BiPolar. Entrepenuerial mind -> my "market" is growing! Then I see research that Netsurfers spend a very high proportion of their time on medical and health sites. Again -> my "markets" growing!

Yeah, I can already hear some of you snickering. But show me a blogger who at one point or another didn't fantasize about having a huge audience and posting every day for a living. We can't help but think this way - capitalism ingrains our worldview from an early age.

But what do we lose in the process? What is sacrificed when every direction we turn in our blogs, subconsciously there other motives at work? Don't get me wrong - we don't blog solely with the dream of making money - its more like holding a little lotto ticket, knowing full well that we aint gonna win, but also knowing full well that we should not totally rule out the possibility.

What do we lose? I'd say for one - enjoyment. My Dad's a classic example. He retired nearly 10 years ago and is now in the situation where he could do with a little extra cash. Simultaneouly he is an exceedingly good photographer - one of the top landscapers in SA. And now, increasingly, he's starting to wonder how he can turn his photography into profit. He did photography his whole life as a passionate hobby, made his money elsewhere. But since this entrepenuerial motive has arisen I've noticed his passion waning. Instead of looking at landscapes and saying WOW, that's beautiful man, he's starting to look at things and saying: "will the public like it? will it be saleable?"

What a fkcn pity man. Because the joy he was getting previously was priceless. To throw that away for the sake of a little pocket-money is sacrilege. But he's not the only one. So often I see people that are really good at their hobby/interest/passion who start scheming at one time or another - hey, I want to do this for a living. And from thereon out is is just all downhill.

Etcetera, etcetera...

Rating Blog Posts

So I found this new widget which you can embed into every one of your blog posts and it allows readers to very quickly and easily (& anonymously) rate your post on a scale of 1 star to 5 stars.
Coool I thought.

But then I asked myself: "WHAT FOR?"
So that I can see which posts people like, and which they don't?
So that once I've gleaned this information, I can start writing more of the popular type posts?

But then I asked myself: "WHAT FOR?"
Do I really want to write posts based on what others want to read, instead of what I want to write?

But then I asked myself: "WHAT FOR?"
Why would I want to do this?
So that I can get a huge audience, make millions out of adsense, and quit my daytime job?

GET REAL DUDE!
This blog is for ME. It's my space and my therapy. I already know what posts most people who arrive at this blog like: Posts on BiPolar Disorder (I can see it in the amount of comments I get). But right now in my life I don't want to focus on BiPolar issues EVERY day. Believe it or not, but I've got other interests too.

(...or maybe I should put the rating widget up so that everytime I get a 5 star my ego can gloat for the rest of the day).

Anyway, those are my reasons, you may think different. If so, you can get the widget here.

And actually, the widget is not all bad. I'm probably going to add it to my Word Art collection on www.theWORDproject.com . But that's mainly to add a little viewer participation to that website. That site was set up way before comments etc. were standard fare in World Wide Wonderland.

PS: and I will still be writing about bipolar now and then, just not EVERY post.

A question to all bloggers

DO YOU EVER READ BACK ON YOUR OLD POSTS?

Can you see growth in your personal life? Regression?

Are there things you regret having said in previous posts?

Has your true voice changed?

AND SPECIFICALLY FOR BIPOLAR BLOGGERS:

Can you ever see the same-old, same-old patterns in your life?

Are you ever embarrassed about posts that you wrote when you were hypo?

Does looking back help you get a much-needed perspective on your life?

OR IS IT JUST BETTER TO MOVE ON - FOCUS ON THE PRESENT AND FUTURE RATHER THAN THE ANALYSING PAST?

The BiPolar Planet customised Search Engine

You may already know that BPG is a member of the BiPolar Planet Webring (see footer). On the other hand, you may not have known.

You may also know that BPG is a Googlephile. On the Other hand, you may not have known.

Known or unknown, the big announcment is that BPG has put together a Google Powered customised search engine which limits search results to the site content of members of the BiPolar Planet webring. Exclusively.

You'll find it in the footer section of this blog. Yes, just scroll down. And try it. The results have a very personalised flavour which you won't find elsewhere. Want to know who in the ring takes "Wellbutrin"? Who gets "migraines"? Who has read the book "Touched with Fire"? Use this search engine!

Ah.... The Fellowship of the Ring (thanks, Tolkein)

I've tried to ensure that all member sites are included but just to make double sure I would encourage webring members to run a check by entering 5 consecutive words from a sentence on their blog into the search box. Put the 5 words inside "parentheses". Your blog should come up at the top of the results. If not: CHECK YOUR SPELLING. If still not: TRY ANOTHER 5 words. If not again, contact me and I'll check it out.

(told you I had a zillion and one ideas last week. This is one of the few that actually saw the light of day...)

Blog Privacy

Thanks for all your support guys. Always goes a long way.

As at right now, early monday morning, things are looking a whole lot better. Miss L is doing well. Whether she will ever cut again...I don't know. I don't think she does either. We all just hope for the best.

In Saturdays comments:

eric d said...

"does your daughter read this blog?
i'm just wondering. if she knows you talk about things, even though we don't really know you at all, how does she feel about that?
blogging is such an odd allowed invasion..."

Yeah, it's a good point. And I would be lying if I said I just went ahead, all gung-ho like, when I posted about Miss L's cutting. What we tell in our blogs and what we don't is a highly tricky and sensitive topic.

To answer the Eric's question though - No, L does not read this blog. Let me clarify that - she does not read this blog "to my knowledge". She doesn't really even know about it, but we all share the same upstairs computer (my own cmptr is in my outside office) and, as Mrs M points out, I've often left my blog open on the screen.

When people in your everyday life start reading your (private?) blog it opens up scary scenarios. In the beginning Mrs M read mine every day. Then last year we had a major row over some comments that were left, and she vowed never to read it again. But in August a big problem arose. I had smoked a joint that day and documented it here. Because of my history of psychosis, Mrs M, understandably, is violently oppossed to any BPG weed smoking activities.

I had already climbed into bed that particular night when a visibly distraught Mrs M came into the room from the communal cmptr room and said, in a shaky voice: "I don't know exactly how to tell you this, but i know what you did today." Turned out she'd been following my blog for the whole year. Luckily it wasn't a big issue, our misdemeanours kinda cancelling each other out: my promise not to smoke weed; her promise not to read BiPolar Daily.

It could have turned out worse though. Take the case of a blog I follow daily: Peas on Toast . This is South Africa's second most popular blog, the daily life of a young party-animal woman living in Johannesburg. Part of the attraction of this blog is that Peas calls a pussy a pussy, and a cock a cock. No beating around the pubic bush. Seriously, she never holds back, and whilst she was single the past few months we heard all about her sexual fantasies, which guys she thought were hot the night before, and how often she used her vibrator. And she promised us all, her loyal readers, that next time she had a shag, we'd all be first to know about it in detail. Problem is: Peas now has a new boyfriend. AND HE READS HER BLOG. As do most of her ex-boyfriends and current girlfriends ever since she won some South African blog award earlier this year. Not sure if her boss is a reader - probably not based on some of her musings.

But her hands are now tied. How the fck can you write about your previous night's fck when the fcker is reading it too??? And her readers are now starting to put pressure on her: "So Peas, did you shag or not last night?" "Hey Peas, what's he like in bed???"

I'd hate to be in her position right now (in the bedroom, or out :) . Fortunately her writing style is so unique and brilliant that I think most of her readers will hang on, but I still think she's wishing she had remained completely anonymous.

Yeah, I'm going to post more on this topic. As a higher and higher percentage of the world become bloggers (100 000 a day!!), protocols and etiquette around these new personal boundary issues are gonna go mainstream pretty quick.

What We Don't Tell Our Blogs

If you've been watching you may have noticed that I don't share everything with BiPolar Daily. Who does share everything with their blog? Who can?

If you're anything like me you have a million different thoughts everyday. There's no way you can include them all. If you did, you'd be sitting writing your life instead of living it. But besides the time factor, there is always a part of ourselves we don't show anybody else. For these purposes I have another Journal. I've been keeping these private journals since 1998 (when there were probably 1000 blogs on the whole World Wide Wonderland) so journaling isn't new to me.

Unlike this blog, that journal is PRIVATE. 100%. I've left instructions in my will that when I die, they get burnt. I'm not joking. For if they were ever to get into the public domain, I'd be divorced, disowned by my entire family, sued for defamation and slander by thousands, imprisoned, executed by public stoning and given a 1000 sessions of ECT. Cool huh?

But let me tell you - it is damn therapeutic. No holds barred. A place where you can so any fkcn thing you ever wanted to say. It is my sacred space, my life companion, my guide, my guru, my therapist, my coach, my mentor... Were I to be stranded on some cliched desert island (not with Jeff Probst thanks), I'd surely take my journal as my one item of choice.

So that's where a lot of the shit that you don't see in BP Daily goes. But don't get me wrong - there is a place for both public blogs and private journals. Blogs have a different style of therapy. As I am the only one who ever reads my journal, it's often just like making little notes to myself. And I don't always need to explain things or make them easily comprehensible. With a blog it's way different. Even if you don't have readers, there is always a chance someone's gonna read it. So you got to sit down, say things carefully and properly in the way that an unknown reader can understand. And this sitting down and thinking things thru, is very valuable. You often solve things for yourself that, by scribbling notes in your private journal, you woulda missed.

Also: Having accumulated 8 years worth of journals now (pic above) I've discovered that one of the most helpful features of journaling/blogging comes when you're a bit lost in your life and look back at your old entries. Where were you then? Is it really that bad where you are right now? Why did you make that goddam decision in the first place? etc. etc. Problem is: when you go back to your scribbles and notes from 7 years ago, you sometimes got to work out what you were actually saying. But with a blog - YOU are now the unknown reader that you wrote so carefully for 7 years previously.

Then too, there is the value of public confession. Coming out into the light with some of your issues is a powerful cleansing process. And supportive and insightful comments are a huge bonus.

***
Thinking seriously about starting Tai Chi again. I was good at it, and loved it, but had to stop due to a schedule clash with my philosophy lectures.

Not sure right now what today's gonna bring. Feeling pretty shitty as I speak, but who knows, maybe the Mood Goddesses will smile upon me later on.

Just to Write

I'm finding more and more how helpful comments are on blog posts. Besides boosting the writer's esteem, insightful comments on a particular topic often shed new light on matters and entice you to look at different angles.

I wrote a post some time a go on Blog Traffic Stats , which basically concluded that the overriding reason we write blogs is for self-therapy, especially (but not only) us BiPolar sufferers. Recently, one Bob Grummin (who surprisngly doesn't have a public blog) added a comment exposing another reason, I had overlooked, for why we blog: To hone our writing skills.

Good Point. If you've got any inkling of an aspiration of being any kind of writer, honing your skills is the best way to start. Want to be a good athlete - practise every day. Want to be a good musician - practise every day. Want to be a good writer - practise every day. It's a no-brainer.

Me, I definitely fall into the hopeful author class. I've had 2 books published so far but no notable success as yet. Notwithstanding, I've got another book in me just bursting to get out, and as I sit here now, I can confidently say that if there is one thing I'll regret that I hadn't done when I'm lying on my death bed - it'll be writing this book.

But I've hit a lot of blocks with my writing. My main problem to date can be best explained by borrowing on some investment terminonolgy: the "Top Down" approach versus the "Bottom Up" approach. The Top Down approach is the Big Picture view, you build up your investment portfolio by first analysing the world economy, then different countries, then different asset classes within those countries...until you finally know what shares you must be looking for. That's the approach I've used with my writing - Starting with the main plot and drilling down into each chapter until I've got my writing cut out for me. But I find this way tends to stifle creativity and bolster writer's block.

The Bottom Up approach works opposite. Here you randomly look at different companies, until you think " My fck - this is a good one", and you add it to your portfolio. For me, the Bottom Up approach to writing entails just sitting down and writing, taking each sentence as it comes. Sure, you've got a general idea of where the story is going but you also leave room for the story to write itself.

And it's the Bottom Up approach that blog writing strengthens. Just to sit down with a blank post facing you every day and start filling it with words which come to your head there and then is probably the best thing you can do.

Blog Directions

There is a proliferation of literature out there on the analysis of blogs: how to write one; styles; genres; money opportunities.

What I want to talk about in today's post is genres. The list is endless, but the 2 genres that interest me are : Topical Blogs and Personal Diary Blogs.

The decision whether to stick to BiPolar topics or stick to personal daily experiences often confounds me as I sit facing the screen in the early morning. So, most times, I try to maintain a balancing act between the 2.

But I've been thinking lately that in the case of BiPolar sufferers, the 2 genres are inseperable. If you're a BiPolar sufferer, then shit, your daily life is always "on topic" as far as BiPolar is concerned. I mean what is BiPolar other than the daily ups, downs and sufferings of real live individuals?

Besides, as I said in a previous post, what is the principal reason the vast majority of us rigorously devote several hours a week to sitting typing at the Cmptr (like we don't have enough of this in our working lives)? Simple: Self Therapy.

This being the case - what is gonna give you more therapy: running a magazine type blog aggregating all the latest international news on BiPolar OR sharing your daily trials and tribulations with the world? A no-brainer. Having said this, I think there is value in BiPolar bloggers to occasionaly comment on topical BiPolar issues - because it comes from a personal, experienced, and knowledgable perspective.

Obviously you (me anyway) can't go too astray in your postings , and for this reason I've often contemplated starting additional blogs. One would be "Philosopher's Cocktail" - occassional philosophical ideas that come into my head. I often have these ideas but am reluctant to put them in here as they're probably a bit dry and heady for this blog.

Another I'd start is "Meditating". A lot of serious mediation practitioners keep detailed dairies of their meditation progression. Again: I don't think it would fit in BiPolar Daily.

But for now I will stick to one blog. It's enough of an addiction for the time being.

(yeah, it's been up and bloody down all week)

Blog Traffic Statistics

As a person professionaly involved in web site marketing (I'm NOT talking about www.theWORDproject.com, which is largely a labour of love) for the past 3 years, I know all about web traffic stats and analytics. I've got expensive software tools to measure my search engine rankings and visitor behaviour.

But after the 3 years, I've pretty much realised "So what". You can spend hours and hours pouring over statistics, but does it really change anything? I mean, whether you've got 10 visitors or 10 000 visitors, you're still gonna put your best foot forward right? In my opinion, the time spent number-crunching would be better served improving your actual website.

Which brings me to blogs. OK so we all want readers. Net worth (pun intended) is measured in eyeballs. But have you ever stopped to ask yourself why you need readers. Does a blog which is truly excellent ( and there are a lot out there) become less excellent because it hasn't got many readers? That seems to me like saying that van Gogh's paintings wouldn't be good unless millions viewed them. Faulty logic right?

The crux of the matter it seems to me is: Why do we blog?
To make money? Hardly likely, you'd need like 100 000 visitors a day to get a reasonable return on Google adsense. And look at howm much money van Gogh made from his art.
To get discovered as the next Great Author? Yeah, right. Stick to blogging and maybe one day publish your own blook (yes, a genuine 21st century term).
To network with other people that share your interests? You'd do better participating in one of the zillion chatrooms, newsgroups or forums.

No, none of these is the real reason. Emarketer recently did a comprehensive survey and discovered that 70% of all bloggers site "personal therapy" as their main motivation for blogging. (NB: this is not limited to BiPolar Bloggers). So if it's personal therapy we're after, are 1000s of readers really neccesary. Get 1000s of readers and I guarantee ya you'll start writing for your audience instead of yourself. Is that therapy?

Most bloggers start out in the dreaded "Writing for One" phase. But think back to that phase. Weren't you perhaps saying deeper, less ego-driven stuff back then? AKA more therapeutic stuff? Lots of readers, and you become very self-conscoius about what your readers will think, and the true self starts bottling up.

Something to think about...

***
Today's my 5th "In-the-Pink" day in a row (which means very upbeat moodwise, for new readers) (you see, there I go). This is an all time record since I started this blog. I cannot help but attribute this to the recent increase in my Lamictal from 200mg to 250mg.

BiPolar Bloggers make headlines!!

We did it! BiPolars and their blogs made it into the New York Daily news in an article titled: Manic-depressives find support, solace on Web. Here's a snippet:

With blogging, manic-depressives are able to share the reality of their widely misunderstood illness with the world while at the same time gaining fellowship to help them endure its peaks and valleys. Entering a manic-depressive's blog is like hitchhiking a ride on an emotional roller-coaster. Full article

But besides that, my day has been horrendous. I've been in bed for most of the day. On days like this sleep is the only viable escape. And when I'm not sleeping I lie flat and unmoving on my bed and just kind of zone out. And I eat. Sweet stuff mainly.

The worst part is the feelings of guilt. Guilt that I'm letting down Mrs M, and not keeping up my part of the partnership. Guilt toward all the unanswered emails from my business website. Guilt about all the business deadlines whizzing past. Guilt about the meeting I cancelled this morning.

But mainly:

GUILT ABOUT TOTALLY WASTING ANOTHER DAY OF MY LIFE