Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Shoulds 'n Shouldn'ts

My old friend z0tl made the following comment on my last post:

"dude, what happened to sleep when sleepy, eat when hungry, fuck when horny?

always tweaking, should do this, should do that, never good enough to sit with what it is you're doing."

Zotl's observations of BPE are invariably Right on the Money. And there's even some thruth in this latest one.


6 years ago when I sold my high stress, high profile, high responsibility (not to mention high-profit) biz, I had come to the major realisation that:

I SHOULD FCK the "Shoulds".

So I did. For pretty much the next 5 years. But I added a few rules of my own, besides the eat, sleeps and fucks. Mainly: Don't Work, when you don't feel like working.

A few smaller "go-with-the-flo" maxims played out at various times too like:

Get drunk when I feel like getting drunk.
Spend money when I feel like spending money.
Get stoned when I feel like getting stoned.

Did I have a good time? Kinda.
Am I going to be able to pay off my debts? Prolly not.
Am I going to be able to send Miss L to university? Prolly not.
Can I afford to take Mrs M & Miss L to the local steakhouse for a bite? Nah.
Am I gonna be in the dwang when my ol' 1984 car finally falls apart? I'd say.
Am I gonna be able to repay the cash my Dad lent me from his dwindling pension funds? Yeah right.
Am I happy that I'm a financial liability rather than a contributor to the family bread winning? Stoopid question.

CONCLUSION: "sleep when sleepy, eat when hungry, fuck when horny" is great if you're:

a) a college student in your late teens;
b) Hugh Hefner in the Playboy Mansion;
c) a regular citizen inhabiting a cave circa 5000 B.C.

If not - Get yr arse into gear!

Caveat: As always these opinions are subject to 180 degree change at a moment's notice (depending on local mindset conditions)


  1. I had to look up "Caveat". Impressive word Dude! But am in total agreement. If you go with the "feeling" it will land you in big shit. I know.

    Question: Don't you get sick of going against what you feel? I know that I do. It's frustrating. Why can't I be like "normal" people? They "eat when hungry, shop when feeling like shopping, et al"...

  2. It is back to our perception of the balance for "pain and pleasure". The driving force for all our decisions.

    Take the concept of going for a run on a miserable cold wet day. On first sight it seems an extremely painful exercise. Even while doing it your foresight is realised. However, once standing in the hot shower and settling down for the day it was ALL worth it.

    Life is not a sprint it is a marathon.

  3. did you enjoy those times when you were riding high to the fullest?


    if you did not, well make sure you enjoy your time at the bottom to the fullest!

    you make a point about the get your arse in gear, but don't worry man, your arse will get in gear when you reach bottom!

    when there is nothing else BUT getting in gear!

    stop thinking about GETTING IN GEAR!

    just look very carefully at what's happening around you and try to laugh your ass through it.


    get it?

    in PERMANENT IMPERMANENCE lies salvation.

    because no matter how shitty it is, it won't last. even if you think you're experiencing eternity, it won't last.

    you should get stoned on loans, file bankruptcy, move to new zealand, live in grayhound bus stations, enjoy all that.

    go to korea for gawdssakes and enjoy chess with your buddy face to face for a change.

    anyway, i ramble, i've been to hell and i've been to heaven, they're both the same!

  4. to my good friend willbefine, take the shower out of that equation & a roof over your head at the end of the run & see if the balance still holds.

    if yes, i bow down to your perception.

  5. z0tl, I just want to shower you with love and embrace you with my arms to keep your roof from falling in!

  6. ummmmm when I agreed, i was referring to sleeping, eating and sex, not drinking, drugging and destroying your finances.There is a "slight" difference.........

  7. I don't know about anyone else's reality (isn't that the phrase to couch one's opinions in?) but it just so happens that recently that it has become very clear to me that whether or not you have schedules ends up being a Choice precluded by hard-ass work. And one that is very much worth making.

    I say this in the sense that I am 'sold' on the concept that schedules are EVERYthing to a bipolar for a little happiness and health, whether I'm following one at the moment or not.

    A big for instance, regardless of how utter terrifying a (state) mental hospital is for many reasons, the one thing they are trying to instill in you is: schedule. When I was finally 'humanish' after surviving psychosis, I took a look at their piece of paper (the schedule) and followed it to the minute. Following it to a 'T' regardless of how inane it was ended up being the literal crutch I had for learning my way back to humanity/sanity. Schedule can equal foundation. If you literally feel that you are in constant free fall you will do anything to stop it, believe me.

    So now, that I've established that schedule is key, what the hell do you do when you are just on the 'Outside,' (the term the terrified hospital patients use for Life) suffering the curveballs of life, death in family, debilitating emotion illness where half the time you don't if you're pissed, shitted on, happy, or euphoric? When you've forgotten what the hell to do, and it's a miracle if you get your dishes, laundry, or self cleaned more than twice a week? If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're probably here gathering info for your research project and not living anything close to our familiar hell.

    I've got my own blog to talk about how just Very Recently, I started to get it together. I don't think a soul cares to know off mine, so I don't bother. Since you seem to be talking about this, thanks for what must be mucho room on your responses.

    But I am amazed because 1)I've got a footing in humanity, I'm sane (don't worry, you've probably got that made), 2)For whatever reason I'm trying to do physical exercise, today I almost completed all my dishes (after a 4-week bender of leaving them there), have almost finished my laundry, and last night completed a 7-page application for a job.

    Manic? The rest of the world calls that an average day. A complete turnaround for me of almost years of refusing to 'get in line' with what I needed to do? You betcha.

    So. I've had 'doing what you want to do' which really meant being confused and bucking structure at all costs, even if it was hurtful for me, plenty. I hope I don’t forget these important lessons.

    Now I know I need structure, and the best part is, I've spent 2 years figuring out how to make it MY structure, doing it My way. I think in fact, I am agreeing with you BPGuy, and even if I'm not, I am just beginning to find out what's right for me, and that's a big enough task in and of itself.

  8. A very good post, but I'm not totally convinced. When I want to sleep I sleep. When I want to run I run. When I want to do nothing, I do nothing. This is a change from the way I once was, when I felt compelled to do do do do do constantly. Since then, I've learned to relax, I just have to find this balance you speak of. Nice post, and the comments are good too! I'll be returning often.

  9. hey, to change topic, i was going through a very old thing you wrote about 2 years back saying you wanted a copy of a penny dreadful by gustave morin, and i actually know where some are being sold right this minute a few miles from my house. do you want one still? i can get it for you no problem.

  10. also, to read your post ( 2 years later, ie this one ) i must say, i have really done very little work this year as compared to the past, about a quarter, and sure, i am less monied, but who cares? i am still eating well, moving about on the surface and laughing lots of times.
    ass in gear is for some, not all. okay, maybe i should qualify that, ass in gear doing GOOD STUFF is good, and that is so often not stuff that gets you a normal old what your dad and neighbours would call a " paycheque " well la teeeeee da :) LOVE AND KISSES, me


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