Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Not so much depressed as scared

Lots ot trouble looming on the horizon. 3 areas really:

  • Financial - It's pretty much definite now that this huge company which were interested in buying my business out aren't going ahead. Which means that I'm going to be competing head-on with a company whose advertising budget is probably 50 000 times bigger than mine! Yikes, are they gonna squash me?? The expenses with Miss L aren't over yet either. In terms of the court order a psychologist had to come down to Cape Town to do an in-house assessment. We just got the bill yesterday - 9 friggin k !!!! These people are the scum of the earth. They just live off other people's anguish and misfortune. Our finances art down to the bone now and we've got zero room left to manouever.
  • Teenage troubles - As expected the honeymoon period since Miss L moved in with us in Feb is over. She is now a very rebellious teenager, hating Dad,  and totally unappreciative of our bending over backwards the past 6 months to rescue her from  her other family situation and  her cutting.  At least the cutting has stopped. But the family dynamics, I fear  are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. At least 5 years of shit, I can see it.  On the one hand it's entirly not her fault  that she has issues, given what she has had to go through in her short life. And God knows I've done EVERYTHING in my power the last 6 months to heal her. But for how long can you just sit and get kicked in the face???
  • Marriage - The biggest thing I've had going for me the past 5 years is my incredibly robust marriage to Mrs M. And as I speak, the marriage is stronger than ever. But as I look a year ahead, I see ominous cracks threatening. Principally caused by 1 and 2 above.  Mrs M  has a  overwhelming and exhausting job which she slaves away at from day to day and it is she who has brought in all the income for the past year. This whilst  BPG potters around the house putting in about 3 hours work into his biz (on a good day) and  bitching about his depression. And the stress of Miss L is starting to catch up with Mrs M too. I mean if I'm feeling it is a thankless job - imagine what she's feeling. Miss L is my child - not hers. I have no doubt that Mrs M loves me with all her being but I'm just scared that one day she's gonna wake up and see what a shit deal she's really getting.
Like I said - not really down. Just scared shitless about what the future holds.


  1. Anonymous04 July, 2006

    keep you head up, ill be pulling for you

  2. Anonymous05 July, 2006

    Welcome to the teen years. I hope everything works out okay.

  3. (((((BPG))))) ummmmm on teenagers...... they are a nightmare. Nut take comfort, they do recover from being teenagers and there are good moments to get you by. Your wife sounds like a lovely person and I think she will stand by you. She has so far after all and living with a bi-polar cant be easy. Dont underrate her hun. I dont know what to say bout finances so I will just wish you well there.


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