Sunday, October 28, 2007

Adventures in Meatspace

I've been pushing the boundaries with my social life this past week. Which is a very good and much needed thing. And, MOST importantly I've pushed them WITHOUT alcohol.

As I said before, I was never an alcoholic but I definitely depended on it to relax me in social situations. Ever since I was fifteen. And when you're only used to ever socialising with the nice warm shield of mild inebriation, it is no small effort to face social get2gethas for the fist time in 20 years without said shield. An activity I have very little experience in.

It started on Wednesday when one of my oldest friends was in town. S and I have been friends since grade 9. We belonged to the same group of weed addicts in High School, we got into MotoX together, we got into windsurfing together. We were fellow party animals in our 20s. Then the past 10 years S worked as a ski instructor in Europe and also NZ and Argentina. I'd see him every year or 2 when he popped into Cape Town.

Seeing old meatspace friends always makes me kinda anxious. Weird I know, but it does. So whenever S used to come around in the past, I'd crack a few beers. Not drunk or anything, just mellow - taking the edge off things. It was a kind of ritual for me.

When I decided to ditch alcohol ALLtogether 2 years ago, I knew it was gonna hit my social life, but figured it would be worth it just not to see ANYbody for 6 months. Problem is, the 6 months turned to 24 months and I am now a Hardcore, industrial strength recluse. Which is not the best for depression. In fact last time S came out, I completely avoided him. Never returned his calls or email. (I've done this with most of my friends over the past 2 years and its clear now that I've got quite a lot of repair work to do).

So this week when S contacted me, I didn't return the call for 2 days. But on Wednesday I thought, FCK it, I've gotta get out of this hole. So I saw S, sans alcohol. And you know what? I enjoyed it immensely.

So S invites Mrs M & me to his sisters place last night for a braai (barbeque for Nothern Hemispherians) and, lo and behold, we GO. Once again, sans alcohol. And you know what? I enjoyed it immensely.

Yep, I've started something new here, and I'm gonna proceed with it. I know it may sound completely bizzare and phobic to yous out there, but I'm insane remember, so I've got carte blanche to do insane things.

A small (tiny, weensy) step for normal peoploids, but a giant leap for BeePeeGee.


  1. Well Done. Overcoming a fear and finding the reward is a fantastic accomplishment.

  2. sounds like very healthy step and one to be proud of

  3. Good for you.

    Decided riding the wagon is the best mode of transport for me going forward.

    Booze can so easily lift the lid and let the dark-side out. Not surprising as we wrestle with life daily in order to try and make sense of it all.


  4. Congrats man! Good work! You know I'm dealing with the same issues so it's really good to see that I'm not alone in this. We're not alone in this. Keep it up!

  5. yes, i know, because it is completely insane to have barbeque with an old friend.

    you get enough pats on the back from your anony friends here, you need more rude awakenings is what you need.

    just ask, we're here to serve!

  6. try this: have mrs M tie you to a fucking tree in the backyard every morning at 5 AM and whip you 8 times.

    i swear to gawd man, maybe pulling yourself by the bootstraps never works to cure depression, but SPOUSE ABUSE / BEATINGS work miracles!

    as an added benefit to this treatment, a little S&M never hurt anyone's sex life, you know...

  7. my next comment, tommorow, i will deliver you a MORTAL FUCKING BLOW, sit your ass down when you read it.


    3 years of fucking around watching you swim in shallow waters of self-pity partying etcaetera is more than i can take.

    understand that ANGER is a bigger force than FEAR or SORROW. FEAR or SORROW lead to inaction. ANGER however can steamroll over both and if you know how to channel that energy, GOOD can come out of it.

    so i will get you fucking angry little bozo, for your own fucking good!

  8. Zotl you are fucking mad. But cool.


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