Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Where is z0tl ??

Talking about X's and Y's in my last post, a long-time follower of this blog - Eric D - commented that she misses the Z.

...Z for Z0tl. I first met z0tl just after I started this blog in 2005. I met him when I joined up at the BiPolar Forum - the Icarus Project . The day I joined up and introduced myself to the forum, z0tl was there, in the forum and was very welcoming. I warmed to him immediately.

I got quite active in the forum (really enjoyed it) and found out very soon that z0tl was somewhat of an Alpha-BiPolar of the forum. Super intelligent, he had a cutting wit, and sometimes, in patently obvious manic streaks, he would spew out wit and wisdom all over the forum at mind-bending speeds. I really liked him. He became a regular commentor on this blog too.

But after a few months it was evident that the brilliant Mr. z0tl also harboured a MAJOR narcissistic side to his character, and didnt mind who he destroyed with his nasty personal tirades. People in the forum began getting pissed off with him. I kind of jumped to his defence at first, but when he really spiralled out of control I also reached my limit. He was subsequently banned from the forum after engaging in a nasty personal attack on the forum founder. I was pretty dissapointed in him and with the whole experience, and left the forum myself at that time.   

z0tl still hovered around my blog a bit with his nasty comments and that too ended in a flame war. Then he dissappeared. After about a year, he appeared again on my blog. I was glad to see him. In the interim he had suffered a very painful depression (fallout from his manic tirade no doubt). He started out jovial and jolly, but eventually was back to his scathing old flame tricks, with the result that a few years ago I very nearly stopped this blog altogether.

Up until that point my blog comments had always been totally unmoderated, but thereafter I felt forced to add comment moderation and although this blog hasn't been nearly as regular as it was in the z0tl years, I've kept it going ever since.I lost a lot of very active followers at the time too. I've got no doubt that z0tl's antics made for excellent entertainment... but not always for me. 

Still...I also miss z0tl. Despite all his misgivings he has to be one of the most brilliant and insightful minds I've met. Some of the music/books/advice he recommended over the years is some of the best I've had. However he was his own worst enemy and sometimes made it impossible for a person to like him.

z0tl always had his own presence on the web. The "z0tl" handle was uniquely original and sometimes I would do searches on Google and piece together his enigmatic existence. I did a search recently though, and found very few online traces of z0tl left. Yes, he's the kind of guy (and had the expertise) to kind of completely extinguish all of his online tracks. Its the kind of thing he would do.

But I also have a lingering concern for the guy, because he was a REAL bipolar sufferer and lived through higher highs and deeper troughs than nearly all of us. I hope he's OK. Would love to hear from anybody that know of his whereabouts...


  1. i hope you find that he's well

  2. He sounds just like my father so I'll go on a limb and say he's doing just fine and will live to a ripe old age.

  3. Hi there

    I remember that time and person well. I was just diagnosed and found your blog very insightful and humurous. The dude you're talking about, in my mind, spoilt it and i felt very sorry for you that someone could say such nasty things to you. I then, didn't know the previous part that knew him from somewhere else. Until then, I thought he was just some random dude that picked your blog to 'pick on' (pun intended). And then when you disappeared because of him (it seemed) and you had that other guy run your blog, (although he was very nice and kept us updated on how you were doing), I was pissed off and I stopped reading your blog. So, what I'm saying, I guess is that I've missed your blog and wish it could be like it was like it was before. But they say, life is change. But I never stopped thinking about you and how you were doing.

  4. You can not GIVE offence, offence can ONLY be TAKEN.

    z0tl in my local vernacular was a "wind-up merchant". It was up to the individual to allow him to get under your skin. Personally, I just found him to be abrasive but insightful.

    BPG, I felt grudgingly admired him but when it came to questions regarding the value of BPG's high driven insightfullness and messiah driven connections that the last straw was laid across the orthopedic camel outpatient.

  5. what very few details i do know i shall not share as they were not given to me in a public forum. last contact was over a year ago.
    i hope he is happy, and alive. somewhere. somewhere.


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