Brainwave!
It's ironic BiPOlars talking about brainwaves - our brains are always on some damn wave. Seriously though, by yesterday afternoon I was firmly ensconced in "In-the-Pink" territory and the ideas were coming fast and furious. And suddenly - BLOING - it came to me: I've been fishing in the wrong lake!
What I'm talking about is that I've been struggling with this book I've been trying to write for over a year now, making very little progress. The book is based on my pschotic experiences last year which revealed a smorgasbord of profound international and historical coincidences. Synchronoicities. But it's a complicated book to write. So damn complex and with such intricate interlinking of diverse subjects that I as soon as I start writing, the sheer weight of the task brings the clacking of the keyboard to a stunted silence within half an hour.
But yesterday I was at Miss L's therapist and had to (for the millionth time) recount the whole story of Miss L. How she was born out of wedlock. How her mother and I fell apart. Mother died. Step Dad and I went to court. My BiPolar slung against me. Sneaky lawyers. The loss of custody. And then earlier this year, when I kidnapped Miss L...
And it suddenly struck me that this is one heck of a story. Like a factual soap-opera. THIS is the book I should be writing. Real people, real events, real twists, turns, anguish and emotional turmoil. And it is applicable to 1000s out there, no millions, all the unmarried dads who have fcked up legal rights. All the BiPOlars who are discriminated against by the legal system. Indeed - how screwed up the justice system actually is - completely stacked toward the one with the most money.
And for me it's current. Right here, right now. Everyday. This is what I must be writing about. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely gonna write the one about the psychotic insights from last year, but for now, I think this is the one to write.
Been throwing some book titles around:
- An Illegal Father
- I kidnapped my daughter
- The Justice Joke
No doubt I'll come up with more by the time I'm done. And I'm gonna be writing it on my other blog "Book-in-progress". At the moment Chapter One of the psychosis book resides there, as it has been for the past 6 months, so that's gonna get scrapped and "I Kidnapped my Daughter" is gonna take over. I'm planning to write a bit each day. I'm so disciplined with writing this blog now, that writing a book in blog format will be very conducive.
Watch this space...
The book is based on my pschotic experiences last year which revealed a smorgasbord of profound international and historical coincidences. Synchronoicities. But it's a complicated book to write. So damn complex and with such intricate interlinking of diverse subjects that I as soon as I start writing, the sheer weight of the task brings the clacking of the keyboard to a stunted silence within half an hour.
ReplyDeleteThe trouble with trying to write about psychotic experiences is that you have to use a linear format to describe a multi-leveled, non-linear experience. It doesn't translate well. I did write my own experience down but I did so as it was unfolding. Even then, there was so much I couldn't capture on paper.
And for me it's current. Right here, right now. Everyday. This is what I must be writing about. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely gonna write the one about the psychotic insights from last year, but for now, I think this is the one to write.
I look forward to popping in when I can and reading it.
Hey, guy. You've already got your book half-written, in hypertext to boot. Why not publish it on a CDROM when you've got it all set, illustrated by some of your animated concrete poetry?
ReplyDeleteOr better yet, why not envision something akin to the text version of iTunes (copyright pending) and fly with it? But not to under-reach yourself, why not contact some mental health workers about developing a support website if you're looking for some extra income other than accounting? Aren't I just full of suggestions and enthusiasm today?
But honestly, I do think you've lighted upon a very powerful human-interest story that just happens to be your own life. I'm looking forward to seeing what sort of chapters you're able to hammer out. And if I ever get started, I'll post a few excerpts from my own play about Toronto's one-time well-respected eugenecist and mental-health practitioner, Charles Kirk Clarke. If it touches you, it must be real. And vice versa.
I can't imagine how heartwrenching it must have been to have to kidnap your own child from a non-relative.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered talking into a tape recorder & then transcribing it onto paper? Maybe that option will help.
I wish you all the best in your venture.
I think thats a fantastic I idea- I am an avid reader and I would definetly buy it
ReplyDeleteHey BPG,
ReplyDeleteSounds like a great idea and story.
How about writing both at the same time? That way when one becomes overburdening like the "psychotic" one, its easy to set aside, knowing that it's not a closed project, but something you'll get back when you feel inspired...
My thought... and for free...
Hope the sun is shining over the berge...
Good idea, BP!
ReplyDeleteTruly, Bipolar Guy, it is a very important subject about the mentally ill in general being held back from their kids.
ReplyDeleteIf a person has an episode of their illness, does this take away their love of their child or make them unfit after they've been stabilized? Hell no! But these ploys are used all the time against loving parents that are sometimes more dedicated to their kids than anyone else involved. They just happen to have a mental illness. You'd never see this if the person collasped from Diabetes or asthma - diseases that can physically kill you, but more importantly don't have a stigma.
I just wrote a letter to the court for one of my very best friends. She is simply seeking more visitation from the one day a week that she is presently allowed and the child's grandmother has drug it all the way to court. They refused to fix it in countless mediations. Visitation, not custody, mind you. My friend is the sweetest, loving person and has done nothing wrong. She does have an illness she was diagnosed with ten years ago and has been taking her medication ever since. When she asked directly for more visitation she was told, "we would take that all the way to court." What mean, shitty, ignorant people. Now that is insane.
Maybe if we bipolars who can, used the medium that the intelligent love so much - writing - to get the word out, it will eventually trickle down to the ignorant. You go, Bipolar Guy.
bpguy..
ReplyDeletei love it. i wish i had more to say other than that..but in all honesty, i don't. the small bit of information that you shared in your blog was enough to put on the jacket of a book. i'd buy it.. i think a lot of people here would.
:)
I think the key to writing about psychosis is to remember what you were thinking at the time, and use that to explain your actions. I've made notes of my own experiences with psychosis and can recall the impetus for every decision I made. In my opinion, your psychosis book will be most valuable when you allow people to get inside your head during that difficult time.
ReplyDelete