Thursday, August 31, 2006

From Mrs M

Wow – it’s quite freaky to think that people from around the globe are discussing you, how much you love your husband and whether you’ll dump him with a week’s notice! Just thought I’d pop in (unedited by BPG) and give my own perspective…and just to prove it’s really me, I’ve added a short audio message.

this is an audio post - click to play

Honestly, it’s not easy living with someone who has bipolar. But then again, it would not be easy living with someone who was dying from cancer or someone who stayed out partying every other night (been there, done that) and was sleeping with his secretary. It’s life. A disabled friend once said to me that golf would be a hellishly boring game if there were just greens – no bunkers or rough.

When you love someone for who they are, it makes it a lot easier. BPG is an incredible person, and I love him. Fullstop. No conditions.

Yesterday I had the privilege of listening to a talk by Nobel Peace Prize winner, Archbishop Desmond Tutu. He was speaking about religion and compared it to a knife. A knife lying on a table is morally neutral. One person may pick it up and use it to cut bread to feed a hungry person, while another may use it to stab that person. It’s a fact – BPG has bipolar, no escaping that. It’s the way you deal with it that counts.

I’d like to leave you with three seemingly simple, but incredibly powerful words, that if translated into action, making living with someone who has bipolar easier than living with a perfectly healthy asshole.

Understand. Accept. Communicate.

z0tl – sorry it didn’t work out for you. Lucky for me you and BPG are very different.

Thanks guys for all the support.
Mrs M


  1. That was such a beautiful post! You two are such an inspiration!

    that's really all i have to say,.

  2. Dear Mrs M and BPG
    Thanks you so much for your input. It is so difficult to get the whole picture and it is important. One of the respondents said that people need to be educated and this is exactly how it is done. It surely gives hope to other Bps that it is possible to have a stable relationship and home which is more than so many have.
    Thanks you once again.

  3. wow, i must award myself a dohnut for causing mrs M to come here and proclaim her undying love for BPG. heartbreaking stuff.

    i was really impressed, BPG, by your previous post on discovering you've been reduced to a full time depressive by (what i suspect is) heavy usage of antipsychotics.

    you are correct, mrs M, to surmise that BPG and i are very different and thus perchance i DESERVED to be dumped.

    following BPG's example, let's calculate my percentages over the last 6 years of being diagnosed as bipolar i:

    7 manias (roughly one a year) lasting between 1 and 2 months (last one maybe 3) with psychotic features gallore. so i figure 10 months of batshit manic tripping in total.

    20 months spread between 2 long lasting depressions and very short lived minor ones after each manic episode (longest depression of 14 months in 2oo4/2oo5 w/ endless suicidal ideation caused not by bipolar really, but by "the love of my life" realizing she didn't really give a shit and bailing when things got tough) and one now (for the past 4 months again not caused by bipolar per se, but rather because i came to realize i'm utterly alone and will end up on skid row if i lose my 9 to 5 - something BPG doesn't have to worry about, for now).

    so tallying up the numbers for the past 72 months:

    depression: 20 months - 28%
    mania: 10 months - 14%
    boringly normal: 42 months - 58%

    so right on! mucho differente from lovable, huggable BPG. also, i'm pretty much 95.8% asshole throughout, so maybe i should just congratulate what i thought was my soulmate for surviving 17.5 years of it. really! oh, can you feel the bitterness simmering in me or what?

    so yeah, whatevah mrs M says, people CHANGE and long term depression will not just grind yourself into the ground, it'll get to EVERYONE around you eventually.

    my advice to you BPG stands regardless of how much mrs M reassures us all of the magnificence of love between the two of you and i will convey it using sarah mclachlan's words:

    hold on, hold on to yourself,
    for this is gonna hurt like hell!

    and one more thing: bipolar if excercised properly is the high vehicle, man! while you can, get off those gawdawful antipsychotics and get back in the game of discovering yourself.

    my last mania (since my wife left me) was the best one yet. finally i goddam had no one to grind zyprexa in my food and freak out the moment i started sleeping less than 8 hours a night! now if only i could fucking figure out a way to NOT HAVE TO WORK FOR A LIVING i'm 158% sure i'd be rid of depression completely!

    transcendentation now!

    PS: you and i have butted heads a lot in the past, but know i care about you, i think you're an awesome guy and i hope to gawd mrs M will have the energy and determination to stick by you no matter what! but still, man, what if she gets run over by a truck? get to work now! impermanence is not something to be toyed around with! fervirginmarryssakes man, for someone who spent time in buddhist monasteries and shit, you'd think you'd be a helluva lot smarter.

    PPS: you know me and my religion of never using smilies in a post. please take all the shit i said here with a big grain of salt and a healthy chug of absolut vodka! i wuv you man, take care of yourself.

  4. Thank you Mrs. M for those inspiring words. I'm so glad that some of us have lucked out to find empathetic loving souls that love us A) Because of our quirky and even fun selves, basically what some people are just looking for in a normie, and B) have the capacity to still love and care during the ugly.

    You also made me appreciate my non-bipolar man even more, who, just like you is on the front lines of keeping someone like me going just by being his lovely stable self.
    Thank you,


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